Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Still Hanging

Its a week later and guess what? I am still crabby. Ugh. I am trying hard to shake this mood, but its not happening. I was sure my period was coming any minute, thus the bad mood. However, I am still waiting and its getting obnoxious at this point.

With all the stress of Toms potential job, I am not shocked its late. Ive tried to relax, we had a fun weekend, I am telling myself that its out of my control. As if I wasnt anxious enough to get the ball rolling on our FET cycle, I found out that our insurance is changing names/group numbers as of December 1st. So, the lady clarified that if I start meds before the 1st, Id be set. If I need to start after, it will be an issue to get approval through the new group. Not what I wanted to hear.

Whats the best way to make your period come? Pee on a stick, of course. Even when you know there is no way youre pregnant, seeing the NOT still stings.

Our entire future is out of our hands and its wearing on me and Tom. We walk around each day, waiting for a phone call, an email, or blood.

Until then, I imagine I will continue to hate everything.

I hate ungrateful pregnant people. I hate that Evan lives too many states away. I hate my body. I hate seeing Tom this nervous. I HATE that I feel this way.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

By A Thread

..I had planned to post today about the last day of our trip. I was going to talk about how it was the best vacation ever and it was hard to leave. How those memories will forever be etched in my heart.

..But, I cant. Not today. I am in a bit of a rut and I dont seem to be climbing out any time soon. I have so much on my plate and its wearing on me.

This weekend was nuts. Tom and I went on a nice date Friday night and then he was so sick that night through yesterday. He caught some nasty bug that left him in our bedroom for 36 hours. He missed two days of work. We had two birthday parties on Saturday and were headed to one on Sunday when Trevor threw up all over the car/himself. We were 30 minutes from home and on the highway. Not a good combo.

Luckily, he recovered faster than Daddy(imagine that!) and it skipped me and Gavin.

Gavin, however, is teething big time. His gums are swollen and one tooth will pop through any moment. He has been very needy and on my hip 24/7.

These things are no big deal. Gavins teeth will come and the boys will be 100% better soon. There are 2 bigger things weighing on my mind.

1)Toms job. He is about 75% done with the hiring process for a new police department. Everything has gone well, its his dream job, it should happen. I told Tom it feels like all of our eggs are in one basket. Not just any eggs-ostrich eggs. At any moment a wild animal can come eat our eggs. And it terrifies me. They can  decide not to hire him at any moment and our world will be rocked.

2)Getting pregnant. There are new pregnancy announcements daily. Yes, daily! Its the same old- happy for them(most of the time) and sad for you. After 5 years struggling with infertility, its not any easier. I hate my body, I hate that I cant make a baby with my husband, I hate having no clue if/when Ill get pregnant again. My period is 2 weeks late and I am impatient. I want to get the ball rolling forward. I did order my FET meds today and will get them tomorrow, in case my period comes this weekend...Ill be ready. I was sure I would have by now. Last time I was this crabby, I got my period the next day and thought, "That explains it!" This time? Bad mood is on day 2 and no blood in sight..

Our entire life is up in the air. The majority of our 7 years together has been like this. Im tired, emotionally drained and hanging on by a thread.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Hollywood Studios Day 2

Friday was our final full day. We hung out at the condo, did some laundry and cleaned up. Late morning, we headed back to Hollywood Studios.

The first thing we did was see Beauty and the Beast. We got fastpasses to Tower of Terror and planned to take turns riding with my brother and his girlfriend. Unfortunately  one of the elevators wasnt working, so the fastpass line was long too. We ended up skipping it and heading to eat.

We sat at the little cafe and shared a giant sandwich and giant cupcake. Trevor was in heaven. 

We went on the Great Movie Ride and then got a spot for the parade. It had a ton of Trevors favorite characters. He stood on the stroller and waved the entire time.

We headed to the Indiana Jones show and poor Trevor was asleep within 5 minutes. The show is extremely loud and he snoozed right through it.

After the show, we went to meet some characters. We just let Trevor nap a bit, so we could move on with our day.

We planned to stay until the Fantasmic show, but we still needed to go to Downtown Disney and do our big shopping. We were so tired and wanted to go back to the condo, but I had a list of souvenirs to buy, since I always wait until the end of the trip.

We were leaving the park and walking to the car..I was pouting and talking about how I wish we could live there and we didnt know when we would be back..
We looked up and spotted a beautiful rainbow. How can you not smile at that? 

Downtown Disney was crowded!! We were starving and ate at Earl of Sandwich. I had the most delicious holiday sandwich. I am so sad there isn't one near us because it was amazing! We traded some vinyls, and shopped at World of Disney. We left with magnets for the fridge, bath toys, 2 stuffed animals and a charm for my bracelet. It was a successful shopping trip!

It was another long day and we all slept like babies that night.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Hollywood Studios Day 1

I am almost done with Florida posts, phew!!

Thursday, we went to Hollywood Studios. I knew we would need a lot of time there and I was glad we got everything we wanted to done at Magic Kingdom beforehand. We arrived and went to see the Ariel show. We had reservations for an early lunch at Hollywood & Vine, so we headed there right after.

Hollywood & Vine was a character meal with the Disney Junior pals and it was awesome! I was so glad we did another character meal toward the end of out trip. The meals are expensive, but the boys were free and we stuffed ourselves and didnt eat much the rest of the day.

We met Jake, June, Oso and Handy Manny. 

Handy Manny LOVED Gavin and stayed at our table at least 10 minutes. 

We met up with my Mom, sister and kids and went to the Muppets and Disney Junior show. Trevor loved both.

We did a little shopping and then went over by Star Tours. My Mom loved this ride, so we decided to go on with the big kids and leave Tom with the 3 babies. Gavin was fussy and ready for a nap. We had a great time on the ride and walked out to find Tom walking back, like this. What happened?!, we asked. Apparently, 30 seconds after we got in line Trevor had to poop. So, Tom strapped Gavin on, linked up the strollers and took all 3 kids into the bathroom. Have I mentioned he is the BEST lately? He really is.

The clouds were changing and we knew a storm was coming. We split with the fam and headed to the stunt show. It has a covered area and about 10 minutes into the show it started pouring. Trevor loved this show. It was fast cars, fire, smoke, McQueen. It was awesome.

It was still pouring after the show, so we went to meet the Toy Story characters, who are inside. Trev was a little unsure of the army guy, but loved Buzz and Woody. 

The park was closing in about 10 minutes, so we hopped in line for Toy Story. The line was only about 30 minutes and its one you dont mind waiting for because the building is so fun. It is Toms favorite ride and would have loved to ride over and over again.

It stopped raining by the time we were walking out. Considering it was the only rain we dealt with the entire trip, we lucked out. We were so happy to have another day at the park, because with the show times and it closing early that day, we needed it!

That night, we packed and started to accept that we had to go home soon.