Superhero

You know how you get married and feel like you couldnt possibly love your husband more than that day you said I do?

And then you handles lifes up and downs and get closer and love him more?

And then you make a baby and are unbelievably happy and fall deeper?

But then you have another baby who looks just like him and that crooked smile X2 gets you every time?

Yep, thats about where I am at right now.

 He truly is my superhero.

He is the best Daddy in the world..which makes him an even better husband. I love that we raise our boys as a team. He works all day and then comes home and helps out with the kids. He gets the best giggles out of Trevor. Gavins favorite place to snuggle is his chest. He makes me melt with just one touch. We are crazy about him!

Recently, Tom has been working a ton. 4 jobs, to be exact. He has his regular 40 hour a week career. He has been working one extra shift at a park district on Monday nights. He now works for the White Sox security about one game per week. Lastly, he will be picking up shifts for the Metra on occasion. He could work 24/7. There are a lot of opportunities for security when youre a police officer, thats for sure.

He will do anything for us and that is a very good feeling. :)

NIAW

National Infertility Awareness week is coming to a close this evening.

I could not let the week pass me by without acknowledging it.

If someone told me in 2007, when our journey began, that my family would look like this today..I never would have believed them.

I am thankful our broken road led us to Trevor Michael and Gavin Thomas.

I vow to continue to be open about our infertility. Both here and in real life. I want our story to give others hope that their dreams come true.

Speaking of dreams coming true..did anyone else watch this weeks G & B episode? I bawled when they got that phone call. It brought me back to every day I sat by my phone, waiting on news. Most times, it wasnt good. But the few phone calls we got that were good..changed our life.

Seriously?

Yesterday, I went to pee quick just before I went to put on my pretty dress for Gavin's baptism. Much to my surprise, there was blood. I sat, puzzled, and dug out a tampon. I came out and told Tom I thought I just got my period..and went on with my day. (Thankfully that happened then and not an hour later or I would have been quite embarrassed when I stood up in the church!)

It was light, but continuous. I still wasn't convinced that's what it was. Today, I am sure.

I went to the doc last week and was told I am completely healed. I am exclusively breastfeeding my SEVEN week old baby. And I got my period? It took about 9 months for me to get it with Trevor. I kinda feel like a freak show..anyone else ever get it this early?

April 22

April 22, 2011-My IVF retrieval. The day Gavin was conceived.

Exactly one year later, we celebrated with his baptism.

Full. Circle.

Post Baby Appointment

I had my 6 week check up this past Wednesday night. I decided not to take Gavin at the last minute because Tom had already changed him into his jammies and was going to feed him a bottle before bed. I arrived at the office and sat in the waiting room. There was a couple there with their daughter and I felt so naked with no kids. They were talking with the receptionist about her becoming a big sister and I smiled, thinking about how much fun it was that first appointment when Tom and Trevor came back for the ultrasound. Such an exciting time.

I talked with the nurse, got my finger pricked and bp taken. All checked out fine. I sat in the room and listened to the doc in the next room. (I swear these walls are paper thin and you can hear everything!) I heard the heartbeat of their sweet babe and got jealous. I wished I was there for that reason and not just an exam.

Doc came in, chatted for a few and then did a pap and exam. Everything was fine, as expected. Talked about birth control and said no thanks. He said see you in a year. I joked about hoping to be back there sooner. Then I got sad. I have no idea when Ill be in that office again. Listening to a heartbeat. Showing my sons their sibling. I realize my baby is 7 weeks old. I am not stressing about being pregnant, yet.

Its just, when I think about when it comes time to start trying, aka FET's..a flood of emotions comes over me. Getting pregnant after Trevor was hard. It was draining. It took us 6 long months of straight cycling. I cried a lot. We suffered a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy. We had to use 8 embryos to get Gavin. I am terrified of where our broken road will lead us this time.
And yet, I know its worth it. One giggle from Trevor or glimpse at Gavin's big eyes is worth every shot, every tear, every penny, every second of those months of pain.

My fertility clinic has been in the news a bunch lately. My doc wanted to put an IVF center in the same town as his office, rather than making his patients commute to the city for bigger procedures. He had approval a few months back and recently there was a lot of opposition for it. People were against having a place like that in the town. A place where infertile couples can have a chance at their dream coming true. One man in particular was protesting it, saying IVF babies are manufactured. There was a board meeting a few weeks back and thanks to prior patients and kind people who live in the town, they passed it! SO, by the time we need to use our embryos, they will be closer and more access able. I am thrilled for my doctor and for the infertile community for "winning" the unnecessary debate.

**Ive already gotten a few emails telling me I shouldnt be thinking about another baby. I am allowed to write down what I am thinking and feeling here. I have never been one to hold back. I am able to have these thoughts while still enjoying my boys. Trust me, I am soaking in every second. Trevor and Gavin are not suffering because I am a planner and have thoughts of our next child. I am not missing out on their childhood in any way, shape or form.

The entire point of this post was to share that I am sad about not knowing when Ill be back at my lovely OB's office for another baby. Thats the thing with us infertiles..fear of the unknown. Im sorry if you took it the wrong way. Thanks for the concern.**

First Born

Trevor is a busy bee, I tell you. His social calendar is full. Playdates, fun days out, special treats, you name it. He is such a happy and appreciative child, we love doing things that make him smile. Heres a little catch up since Gavin's been born..

Irish parade to watch Brady and Laney dance

Bags at the arboretum

Cruisin the neighborhood

Cheers with my BFF Logan

At the aquarium

Always wanting to give me a smooch at the park

Easter bunny as Bass Pro

Snuggle time

Helping make cupcakes

Neighborhood egg hunt

First time bowling-he LOVED it

Home Depot workshop

I'm so lucky to be that boys Mama!

Six Weeks

I cant believe its been six weeks since Gavin came into our lives. Its gone by in the blink of an eye and yet, it feels like he has been here forever.

Six weeks is a big mark for postpartum healing. Its time for me to start watching what I eat(the toughest part), exercising(I know it'll be hard to find the time) and ttc #3(that may have started a few weeks ago).

Here are the photos we were gifted after Gavin served as her model. He was 12 days old.

One last thing! I need to do a big blog update and want to know if youre reading! I spend my nursing sessions reading blogs and would love some to add to my list. I have noticed a lot of new commenters and want to get to know you. :) Thanks and have a great weekend!

Easter Weekend

We did most of our Easter celebratin' on Saturday this year. We started our day at bites with the bunny at our park district. We've gone the past few years. It is exactly what its called..bites to eat-donuts, banana slices, cinnamon rolls, juice, etc. The bunny is in the corner and you can go take as many photos as you'd like. Trevor has been loving the bunny this year. He was the 3rd we had seen. He was a little hesitant at first and needed me to be with him. He warmed up once we set Gavin in bunbun's arms.

Afterwards, the host an egg hunt. They split it into three age groups and we were still able to go with Trevor. He did a great job picking up eggs, its just over so quickly!

While Trevor napped, I set up everything from the bunny. Tom had to work on Sunday, so he came early. Thankfully, Trevor is young enough to not know the difference. Ill admit.."the bunny" went a bit crazy this year. I started picking things up months ago because I knew Gavin would be very young. I kept coming across something else that would be perfect for their baskets..and it ended up being a lot! Oh well, they are only little once. I do try and get items I would have to buy anyway, like Trevors crocs and waterwings. I lined up eggs from Trevors room to the baskets and then from the baskets to his new sandbox outside. I filled the eggs with jelly beans and pennies.

We spent all afternoon playing with our new toys and decided to color eggs after dinner. Trevor really enjoyed it.

Sunday was a normal day for us. Tom went to work, I hung with the boys. I got some pics of Gavins first Easter. My whole family went over to my parents for dinner. Trevor and Gavin got more baskets there. I was most excited for the Disney gift cards we will use in October!

I almost forgot! On Saturday, Trevor threw his pacifier in the trash! He had been using it for nap and bed for a long time and we decided to let him keep it until after the baby came, so he wouldnt coorelate the two. He has been going down fine without it and hasnt been waking up at night looking for it. We are so happy! And somewhat sad..as it was the last "baby" item in his life. He will be 2-1/2 next month, but he will always be my baby.