A Letter To Me

Dear Erin, August 2010
Right now, you are trying to decide when to wean Trevor from breastfeeding, so you can try to get pregnant with your second baby. You hoped it would happen on its own, but considering your infertility past as well as full time nursing, you know it wasn't likely. You'll find out that you have to switch clinic and will jump through a few hurdles before you can move forward. This will work in your favor, as it gives you more time nursing Trevor. It will be okay, I promise.

Dear Erin, November 2010
Every test came back normal and you are ready to move forward. Trevor took one IVF cycle and you have nearly perfect embryos from the same cycle. This has to work! Starting your cycle on Trevor's birthday gives you major hope that this is it. It will be okay, I promise.

Dear Erin, Christmas 2010
I'm sorry that it didn't work. You've never known this feeling before. And it sucks. Pick up the pieces and move forward. You can and will succeed. It will be okay, I promise.

Dear Erin, February 2011
This will be the hardest month of your entire life. You will feel the greatest joy as you surprise your family with your news of being pregnant. Sadly, your world will come crashing down and you will miscarry. You will sit in limbo for weeks, trying to understand what is going on inside your body. Your four embryos you started with are gone. Every glimmer of hope will be gone. You cling to Tom and Trevor and somehow embark on a full IVF cycle. It will be okay, I promise.

Dear Erin, April 2011
You are optimistic about this IVF cycle. You have good odds. You will retrieve more eggs that with Trevor, have more embryos and get a phenomenal report from Dr. M, stating it was one of the best cycles of his career. You're shocked and excited. Until the tests don't come up positive. The day before your beta, you will see the P word and feel relief. It lasts hours, and is diagnosed a chemical pregnancy. You are left wondering, how could this be? You look into Trevor's eyes and know you have to trek on..and you will. It will be okay, I promise.

Dear Erin, June 2011
This is a good month. You secretly do another FET and feel pregnant instantly. On June 23rd, you see positive tests and know this is the baby you will hold in your arms. You fear the worst, due to the past few months, but there is no need. It will be okay, I promise.

Dear Erin, August 2011
I told you it was going to be okay.

I wish I knew how long and difficult our ride to this baby was going to be. After Trevor, I was sure it would be easier. After all, how could it be harder? I was proven wrong and am still in disbelief of what our family went through in less than a year.

I often think about the first time I will hold this baby and it takes everything in me to stop myself from sobbing. Its still not real. Every time I hold the doppler to my abdomen, I am a little surprised to hear the thump, thump, thump. I stare at my changing body and cant quite picture the person whos causing it.

I am excited to have another birth story, to pick a name, to breastfeed the babe. But when I hold our second little miracle..stare at someone who saved me from heartache, snuggle this baby on my chest..on the outside instead of only in my heart..I know I wont be able to hold back.

And yes, if I could somehow get an email sharing what hurdles we will have to jump to get to baby #3, ahead of time, that would be great. :)

Trevor Update

My little monkey spent a special day downtown with Mama and Daddy on Friday. We took the train down, rode the water taxi to Michigan Ave, walked to Navy Pier, played at the Childrens museum, walked back to the water taxi, and took the train back. It was a long but fun day!

I cant believe he will be 22 months soon. So close to 2..He continues to surprise me every day with his understanding and amazing personality.

He picks up the lyrics to songs in an instant and sings along. We have the Carole Peterson and Laurie Berkner CDs in the car and he requests his favorite songs.

He is talking in 5-6 word sentences now. He usually adds the name of who he is talking to, in there. Like, "I hungry, Mama." The funniest thing is when he gives Tom his report of the day when he sees him. He just talks and talks and I have to interpret for Tom.

Poor guy got his first bee sting yesterday. :( I have never been stung, yet my 1 year old has! He was a trooper! He just whimpered and grabbed the back of his arm. Sure enough, there was a red dot, a white circle around it and it was very irritated. I watched him closely and am thankful he did not have an allergic reaction.

Trevor is still napping 2-3 hours in the afternoon. Hes pretty flexible about when he goes down. Unless he is tired and we are in the car, then he passes out. That can be tricky because he is not good at being transferred to his crib and staying asleep. We try to avoid that!

He is my fruit loving boy! He will eat almost any fruit and some favorites are blueberries, bananas, pears, peaches, grapes, etc. He will barely touch a vegetable. He ate corn recently and I was so happy!

We have been to parks often lately and he has mastered climbing ladders. He is scared of the swings. You can push him slow but if you go fast, he tenses up and makes this funny face.

He is always willing to give hugs and kisses..even licks. Haha When you ask for a hug, he comes close and turns around for you to wrap your arms around him.

He is obsessed with monsters right now! He has a few books that are his first pick at bedtime. He will pretend he is scared and its so funny.

He adores baby Rylan and all babies in general. He is super sweet and wants to kiss her and hold her. I hope that love of babies continues into the winter..

Trevor has always loved bath time and now will submerge his face for 5+ seconds. I will jokingly yell to Tom that Trevor is "trying to drown himself again."

He will tell you that he needs his nah-nee(pacifier) if he is upset or tired. I only give it to him at bedtime or if he is miserable. Im not sure when we will take it away. Im thinking around 2.

He is a tall and skinny boy. He swims in most 2T shirts and wears 18 month shorts/pants. His feet are huge-he is in size 8!

He does these hilarious "side-eyes", that we call them, and below is the perfect shot of it!

Tom and I talk about how lucky he is to be our first child. He is always in the spotlight loves it. I know it will take some adjusting when the new baby comes, but I think he will like having a playmate for life. :)

13 Weeks

How far along? 13 Weeks!!
Total weight gain/loss: Even
Maternity clothes? Not yet
Sleep: Still tired all the time..and usually not sleeping well at night
Best moment this week: great report at the OB appointment
Movement: I felt Trevor starting at 15 weeks..I am so anxious to feel this baby!
Food cravings: Cold drinks, chocolate
Gender: Today, I say boy
Labor Signs: Nope
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Nothing!
What I am looking forward to: Movement, gender reveal
Weekly Wisdom: A heartbeat monitor can make a bad day much better :)
Milestones: Out of 1st trimester!!!

I went to the OB on Friday and the appointment went great! I met the 2nd of 4 doctors and he was very nice. He reviewed my chart, asked a few questions and asked if I had any. I have been dizzy throughout the day and he said its due to the extra progesterone while pregnant. He said my uterus was measuring on track and babys heartbeat was 146 bpm. I think I have a UTI, so I gave my urine and they will let me know on Monday. I made my next OB appointment for the end of September and went ahead and scheduled our 20 week ultrasound too. Its set for October 18!

I want to know the sex of the baby before we go to California on the 10th. That way, I can shop! Tom and I will go do a gender scan at a local boutique on October 3rd and keep it to ourselves for a few days. October 9th, Tom is running the marathon. Afterward, we will gather our family and friends for dinner and reveal it then. Im not sure how exactly..perhaps a pink or blue cake..or two balloons and pop the one that is wrong? Any suggestions are welcome!

I was feeling confident the baby is a girl until the past few days. I have been brainstorming names and boys names are tough! I adore Trevor Michael and dont know how we will find one that is as perfect. I keep joking that the baby will be Trevor #2. Or Trevorina if its a girl. ;)

NT Scan and Dells

Last Friday, we had our NT scan. I took Trevor to the children's museum with his cousins all morning and my Mom kept him for the appointment, since children aren't allowed. Tom got off an hour early and arrived just in time. They took me back to prick my finger and sat us back in the waiting room, warning it may be a while. A nurse called my name 2 minutes later. She didn't want us to have to wait forever, so she put me on a chair you typically sit in for a NST and we did the ultrasound there. The only negative was I wasn't able to see the screen until the very end. Lucky Tom was able to soak in the cuteness of baby. S/he was wiggling around. She took a ton of pictures and pointed everything out to us. The baby measured 12w2d, so a bit ahead. I mentioned I couldn't wait to find out what it was and she looked and said she couldn't quite tell. To mean, that means there was no penis sighted. You could tell the tech really loved her job, so I loved her. :) She said everything looked great and they would review the blood work and call in a week with results. They called today and said I have a 1 in more than 10,000 chance for everything. So glad to hear it! Here is our squishy baby:

After the scan, we headed to Wisconsin Dells!! The drive wasn't bad and we arrived around bedtime. We got up early on Friday and soaked in the beautiful day. We went to Noahs Ark and had so much fun. I loved going there as a kid and was a little bummed I couldn't enjoy the fun slides. I didn't want to take any risks! Trevor had a blast. He is my water baby. There were slides, water shooters, swings(you can barely push him or he gets scared), the wave pool, bumper boats, lazy river, etc. He had a blast in the wavepool and loved when the waves hit him. It was good training for the beach in San Diego!

Tongue out when concentrating, just like his Daddy.

Yee-haw!

Sharing goldfish..

Baby #2-12 weeks

We went back to the hotel so Trevor could nap and relaxed for a few hours. We took a quick trip to the outlet mall and got Tom his marathon shoes and Trevor the cutest Nike's for fall. We also bought a sweater for his 2 yr. old pictures. We went to dinner at Applebees and then went to the strip. Trevor thought it was hilarious to run in and out of each store. It was a gorgeous night.

The next morning, we played a bit(see below), packed up and went to breakfast at Paul Bunyans.

Tom gave me such a hard time about waiting in line for the buffet, but I can not go to Wis Dells without eating there! Trevor loved the donuts!

After breakfast, we went on the Ducks. Its a vehicle that goes in and out of water. It was an hour long tour and Trevor enjoyed it very much!

It was a quick trip, but lots of fun! Trevor is just the easiest toddler around and goes with the flow. We drove to the cottage and played at the beach all afternoon. That evening, Tom headed home alone and my family drove up to the Milwaukee Irish fest.

This week has gone by fast and were ready for a low-key weekend at home. I have an OB appointment on Friday and will report back after that!

Sentences

HUGE NEWS! Trevor used the potty tonight! We have been sitting him on the turtle seat for months and nothing has ever happened. Tonight, he came up and said poop, Mama. I sat him down and sure enough, he pooped and peed! We rewarded him with a frosted animal cracker(as we were out of M&M's) and put underwear on him for a while afterward. I hope its a step in the right direction. Id really like to only have one child in diapers come February. :)

I think I have decided on what to do for Trevors birthday. I need to make a guest list, call around for pricing and then I will be set.

Tomorrow is my NT scan and I have this fear that nothing will be there. Like the baby just disappeared. Its been 3 weeks since Ive seen the baby and thats far too long. Im hoping we get to hear the heartbeat too, since we havent yet!

After the scan, we are heading to Wisconsin Dells for a little getaway. On the way back on Saturday, Tom is dropping us off at the cottage and Trevor and I will stay until Monday. He is going to love the waterpark, I cant wait!

I have a little bump going on. I have to start taking pictures this weekend so I can watch it grow.

Toms sergeant told him today that she wrote him a letter of recommendation for him being such a great employee. He had no idea she was doing this and I am proud of my hubby for always giving it 110%!

Tom and I needed a show to get into this summer and we are now totally addicted to Lost! We are halfway through season 2 and watch an episode or two every night.

I can believe how quickly fall is approaching us. I have no clue what to dress Trevor as for Halloween. He is going to love the holiday this year!

I have two baby showers coming up early fall. Makes me even more thankful to be pregnant.

All of these pics are from our evening trip downtown Monday. We met Sam and Brian at American Girl and treated Delaney for being the best flowergirl ever. We got big sundaes at Hersheys and had a great night.