Friday, April 29, 2011


Thanks for all of your kind words about our cycle. Its still unbelievable to me.

I came home to flowers, a card, Chipotle and pineapple that night. Hubby knows how to make an infertile girl smile. Have I mentioned here that Tom gets 50% off at Chipotle? Yep, police discount. We get a huge, delicious meal for about $6. Its amazing.

Anyway, I'm still really exited but will admit that the fear of a failure has crept in. It would be devastating for this not to work. I'm going to ignore those fears and keep the faith.

I felt tons of little cramps and pulls all day after the transfer. I'm tired, but when am I not tired? Ive been feeling lightheaded here and there..which is what my early symptom was with Trevor's cycle. I hope that's a good sign. Oh, and I felt so nauseous yesterday for about an hour. Sometimes, I wonder if its all in my head.

These PIO injections are terrible this cycle. I had PIO left over from my FET and it expires tomorrow. I figured I would use the vial until I couldn't anymore. Ive never had so many bruises and knots from PIO before. I start a new vial Sunday and will see if the "fresh" stuff makes a difference. I will gladly deal with this for 10 more weeks if needed.

Im trying to stay busy. Tonight were doing dinner for my little brothers bday. He is 20 today! Tomorrow will be nuts..bachelor/bachelorette festivities for us allll day and night. Sunday is mine and Trevs day. We may go try a new museum if it rains.

Im not sure if/when to test. Tuesday is the day I usually go with..6 days post. We will see.

Have a good weekend, everyone!!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Picking My Jaw Up.. the floor. I am in total and utter shock of the morning I had. I headed downtown bright and early after sleeping approx. 4 minutes last night. There was traffic and it was pouring and I was worried about being late. I got there just a few minutes late, filled out my paperwork, paid the co-pay and sat for all of 2 minutes before they took me back. My girlfriend Sam met me, since she works a few blocks away and Tom couldn't be there. I got in my gown, her in her suit..we chatted for a few minutes about her wedding and whatnot. Then Dr. M came in.

He said this was one of the best cycles he has ever seen in his career. At day 5, we still had 13 embryos, all of which were at blastocyst stage. They grade the blast stage and they ranged in the top 3. We had 3 perfect expanding blasts, 4 at the next stage and so on. He said its almost unheard of see this. He used words like perfect and phenomenal to describe our babies. I was in shock and had no time to process it as we were out the door and headed to the transfer room.

They transferred 2, day 5, perfect, expanding blastocysts into my uterus. They will freeze 7 today and he said maybe more tomorrow. I just cant believe it.

The transfer took about 5 minutes extra than usual because my bladder wasn't totally full. I usually over do it and am so uncomfortable and this time I under did it and made it a bit harder for him. Oh well, he found my uterus and put my babies in!

I am still smiling from ear to ear, I just got off the phone with Tom and he is elated.

I simply cant believe it. 2 perfect babies and a nice thick lining..I cant wait to see two lines next week. AND to have seven frozen..that is a dream come true. Our insurance will only cover one more IVF retrieval in my lifetime, but unlimited FET's. My desire for a big family has never left my mind and now is more prominent than ever.

As Trevor would say, Hoo Hoo (His version of woo-hoo!) IM FREAKING PREGNANT!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Lots of Thoughts

We are halfway through the wait to the embryo transfer! I am seriously counting the hours until I arrive in the center, find out how many embryos made it to day 5 and get 2 put where they belong!

I have been so happy since I read that email. Ive read it again and again. I think thats why they only give you the one update until transfer day. No one wants to hear how they have less embryos each day. Yes, its normal, but I like thinking we have 13 right now. I am setting my hopes high and crossing my fingers we have 2 to transfer and 5-6 to freeze. I wont be disappointed if there are less, but I am confident in these bambinos.

The best part about this cycle has been my lining. It was beautiful all along and last time it was measured it was over 12. With my FET's, my lining was last measured at 7 & 8. I hope this will be the big difference in the cycle.

My pregnancy test is in 8 days. The embryos haven't even been transferred and I'm already excited. Its in the morning next Wednesday. I am thinking I will wait to test until that morning. I may test on Tuesday, we will see how I feel. I currently have no tests in my house.

Next Thursday, after work, Tom, Trev and I are going on a roadtrip! We are driving to Cincinnati, Ohio to meet up with Evan, Stephen and the triplets!! We are going to the zoo, a dinner and the indoor waterpark. We are so excited to see them again and watch the kids play. Tom and Stephen will finally get to meet! And I will get to hug Evan for the first time since..we both got pregnant and both miscarried. I may never let go..

I have a feeling the weekend will involve some celebrating. :)

Sunday, April 24, 2011

IVF & Weekend

I want to remember all of the details of this IVF process, so I'm going to rewind a few days and try to put it all here..

So, Thursday was nice to have no injections all day! I took my doxy pill twice and worked. When I got home, we did our nighttime routine and packed our stuff up. We decided it would be easier to sleep by my parents that night. We were 30 minutes closer to downtown and that way Trevor wouldn't have to be woken up at 4am. We got there, Trevor played and we put him to bed. We watched the Bulls win! and watched about half of the Hawks game. I didn't climb into bed until like 11. I knew I wasn't going to be sleeping, so what was the rush? I tossed and turned for the few hours and we got up at 4:30 and were out the door at 5am.

We arrived right on time and got checked in. They took me back, I got in my gown and only sat a few minutes. We kept the conversation light and were actually enjoying ourselves. The anesthesiologist came in and asked a few questions and started my IV. I felt nauseous from the nerves but never threw up. Dr. M. came over and took Tom to the room to give his sample. He came back from me and we were wheeling back to the room.

I climbed onto the other bed and layed back. He put the oxygen on me and said I should be out pretty quickly. I took like 2 deep breaths, as she put one of my legs up and was out.

I woke up to Tom saying I did great and they got 13 eggs. It took a while for that to process. I was in some pain so she gave me a heating pad and some Tylonel. I ate a few crackers and had some ginger ale.

Yay for 13 eggs!

They monitored me for like 20 minutes. I didn't even feel like myself when they released me, but I guess it was time to go. We were back at my Moms house by 9am. Trevor was napping so we talked with her a while and then got him up and left. I managed to stay up in the car, unlike last time. We got home and lounged for a few minutes. I was in a lot of pain the whole day. I did not experience this for my last IVF cycle. My right side hurt more. I was taking Tylonel every 4 hours on the dot. It would wear off after about 2 hours and I was counting the minutes until I could take it again. We decided to go grab Chick Fil A (which I totally thought was spelled Chik and you Southerners probably were probably cringing as I misspelled it..haha). We just went through the drive thru and ate it at home.

Holy cow, its better than I expected. Everything was delicious..the chicken, fries, milkshake. I will be driving there often. Tom took care of me and Trevor all day. He was SuperHubby! Trevor took a nap and Tom and I both napped on the couch..all of us slept 3 hours! It was wonderful and hard to wake up! We relaxed the rest of the day and ended up taking a quick trip to Old Navy to use a coupon. I started the endometrin that night.

Saturday, I woke up feeling tons better. I started my PIO, which I will do one shot in the AM, along with endometrin. We went to Bites with the Bunny at the park district. It was just a little continental breakfast with the bunny in the room for pics. Trevor liked him at the mall, but wouldn't sit on him this time. He did like the food options, though.

They also had a hunt for the kids. It was kind of a bust..muddy field, too crowded, Trevor got like 5 eggs, with hard candy inside he could choke on..oh well. We tossed the eggs a few times afterward so he could enjoy collecting them again and again.

We went home and gave Trevor his basket, since Tom is working today. The bunny spoiled him! He got..chalk, sandals, 2 books, a movie, sand toys, a choc bunny, a boy doll, and a cash register. He was nuts over the cash register and he loves putting the baby's ninny in his mouth.

I started to feel ansty about getting the fertilization report at about 12. I figured they'd call by like 3? Trevor napped and then we went for a walk with his wagon. I kept checking my patient portal and kept my phone in my pocket all day. I waited and waited and waited. FINALLY, at 10:15 pm, they posted it on the portal. Are you ready for this?


I was shocked and soo happy. I woke Tom up to tell him. I feel so great about this cycle ending in a baby. These embryos are strong already. I am hoping and praying we end up with some to freeze, too. I cant wait until Wednesday, so I can get my babies back in me!!

I think that covers it! Trevor and I are having a lazy Easter. Were waiting to hear if Daddy is picking up a second shift today. We will head by my parents tonight to do Easter with the fam.


Friday, April 22, 2011

Drumroll Please..

..we retrieved 13 eggs! A bakers dozen! We are thrilled!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Eleven Hours

Deep breaths, Erin. Deep breaths.
Retrieval is in 11 hours.

I am feeling ever emotion under the sun.
Which finally came out today after a 3 day hiatus.

I am not happy about being put under.
But itll be over before I know it.

I realized driving home from work..
We are MAKING BABIES tomorrow.

I can only hope,
they are as wonderful as him.

Please keep us in your thoughts tomorrow morning.
I will update with the number retrieved as soon as we get home. :)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Officially TRIGGERED!

So much to update on..

I went to the doctor this morning, for the 6th time in 7 days. I got a good report from the ultrasound tech. I got the call this afternoon that we were good to move forward!! I was instructed to inject the trigger shot at 6:30pm, sharp. It was a hassle that involved Tom driving me my box of drugs and me freaking out about what needles to use and if I was doing the right amount. I was driving home and pulled over to inject at the exact minute. I took my antibiotic with dinner and will take 2 more tomorrow and one on Friday. Tomorrow is injection and appointment free! Tom and I have to be downtown at 5:30 am on Friday, eek! I think we may put Trevor to bed at my parents house tomorrow, so we wont have to wake him at 4am. We should be home pretty early and I cant wait to lounge for hours with my boys.

Ill start my endometrin Friday night and add in the PIO on Saturday morning. Transfer is set for 7:15 am on Wednesday. There is no talk of 3 day transfers with this clinic..I guess they are pretty confident in their work. They even scheduled my beta for the following Wednesday, May 4th. Two weeks from today. I cant wrap my head around all the thoughts I have toward that day..another post, another day.

Im off to check doctors next orders off my :) Which has been my stress reliever through this stimming process. Sex>beer.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

One More Appointment

I went to the doctor yesterday and today. My estrogen level is up to 2696 and were looking at about 10 follicles that should be big enough. I am really hoping for 10. I know I will be disappointed with less. I do the same drug plan for tonight and return tomorrow. Likely, they will tell me to trigger tomorrow night for a Friday retrieval.

I was nervous all day, hoping they would not call me with trigger instructions for tonight. Tom is off on Friday and it would have been tricky having him there for retrieval Thursday. Now, my hubby can take care of me and the boy and treat us to Chik Fil A. (Thanks for the heads up about it being closed Sunday, I would have been incredibly mad to get there and see a CLOSED sign!)

I'm still hanging on. Tired, sore, feeling very full and achy. Ready to get these eggs outta my basket. ;0)

I am really dreading the anesthesia part, but it occurred to me that Ill be able to sleep allll day. I am okay with that.

Ill leave with more Trevor pics. Last week, I dressed him in his Daddy's flight suit. He was just the cutest!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Getting There..

Thank God, we had a better report today! My estrogen level went up, like it was supposed to. I have 14 follicles they measured, ranging from 8-12. My left ovary is being quite the slacker with only 4 on that side. The lining is triple stripe and fabulous. I am so happy to not have an appointment tomorrow. Tonight, I did 40 units of low dose hcg, 75 units of follistim and the ganirelix injection. I will do the same tomorrow and return Monday morning. I am still exhausted, but the headaches have been better. My belly is tender and really irritated from the ganirelix shot for a while after. Tom and I ended up going to see a movie last night and I dressed way down into yoga pants to be comfortable. :) Tom heads back to work tomorrow. Trevor and I have to run to the mall for a quick return. I'm purposely going to the mall further I can check out the new ChikFilA..and get a banana pudding milkshake. My mouth is watering thinking about it. Is it just us, or is your weather out of whack? Last Sunday, it was 82 degrees. We were sweaty and dirty and sped to Toys R Us to purchase Trevors watertable(a late Christmas gift from Uncle Mike). We put it on our teeny patio and he loved it! Im glad we got one day of use. This whole week the temp continued to drop and it snowed a few flurries today. We had such a long winter and are SO ready for Spring. Were halfway to May!!

Anyway, thank you for all of the support with this cycle. According to the stats, there is a 58% chance Ill be pregnant this time next month. I'm having a hard time picturing that. But, I am hopeful. Once I see the word pregnant again, I plan to lay flat for about 2 months. That way, nothing can "fall" out. ;)

Friday, April 15, 2011

Bad Response

My body sucks. And yet, I am surprised? Went in this morning and just go the call back. Looks like I have some decent follicles, but theyre growing slowly. Many are still less than 10, the biggest is a 12. The left side has 3 follicles, right side has 4. WHAT THE HELL!? How can there be so few? Also, my estrogen level went down, when its supposed to go up. Tonight, Ill do the same follistim, ganirelix and add in low dose hcg, which should give everything a boost. Or so she says. I go back tomorrow morning. I imagine I will be there every morning until retrieval. My poor veins and gas tank. :( I want to cry. This is so different from my last IVF. Last time, everything went beautifully. This time, the only thing beautiful is my lining. Woo, freaking, hoo. I am ready to throw in the towel.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

IVF Stimming Day 5

I had my appointment at 8:30 this morning. I love how I am always in and out in 10 minutes. I had my blood drawn and did a quick ultrasound. After 4 days of stimming, I have 5-10 follicles on each side, all under 10mm. They like the majority of them to be 18 in order to trigger. I waited all day to hear what the next step was. I figured I would go back Saturday or Monday. Nurse Lori called and they wanted me to add in the ganirelix injection, continue with 300 IU of follistim and come back tomorrow morning. I did the injections tonight and boy, did they sting afterward! I dont remember these medications kicking my butt like this! I am exhausted. I just feel drained. I have had a headache all day for the past couple. I can take Tylonel, but it usually takes a while to help. I checked my patient portal and my estrogen level is 675, which seems high to me. Maybe thats why theyre bringing me back so soon? Im going to ask in the morning. Tomorrow will be rough. I have to drive to the clinic for a 6:45 am appointment and then work a 10 hour day. We are supposed to go out afterward to celebrate Tom being home on a Friday night. I hope I have the energy.. Ill leave with some pictures of our 24-hour getaway. It was wonderful.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Appointment Tomorrow..

Thanks for all the help with my follistim issue. I ended up calling the pharmacy after I wrote it and the nurse told me they always overfill, usually right about 100 IU. Exactly what everyone said. :) I was stressed because I did not remember there being that much from my follistim days for IUI's or Trevs IVF. Also, 100 seems a bit excessive to leave room for error..but hey, Ill take it! Tom and I ran off to the cottage last night, after getting off work. Today, we slept in, had pancakes, walked around Lake Geneva, enjoyed the sunshine and spent all day talking about how great this summer will be. Now, Trevor is napping and were lounging. We will head back home after going for a walk to the beach. Tonight is Follistim night #4. I go in at 8:30am to see whats happenin! The shots have been a breeze..even easier than Lupron. Last nights second shot stung and bled a bit. I have a few teeny bruises, no big deal. I feel like I am bloated already. I hope the bloat turns into a baby bump quickly.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Follistim Emergency

An update is coming, but Im having a little Follistim emergency. I was prescribed 300IU/night. Last night was the first one. I loaded up my cartridge that is labeled 300 IU, turned the dial to 300 and did the shot. Today, we realized the cartridge was not empty, so we used what was left before putting a new one on. There was about 100 IU left over..seems like a lot to me?! I administered 300 IU last night and 300 tonight. So, my second cartridge still has liquid in it. How does that make sense? Should I just use the rest of the cartridge tonight? Thoughts? Opinions? HELP!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Shift Change

Ya know how we were waiting to find out Toms new shift at work? He knew he would find out today, after being off the past 2 days. He called me on his break and shared the news. He got 7am-3pm shift, with FRIDAYS AND SATURDAYS off. Can you believe it?! There are two bad parts. One is that he will be in the psych division. Hello, worried wife. Two is our IVF schedule! There is a 50/50 chance our retrieval will be on the Thursday. That creates a BIG problem. Tom can not call into work sick..he will be fired. Hes on probation for the 1st year of employment. We have a few options..freezing sperm and using that, seeing if he can go in a few hours early to give his sample, finding someone to cover his shift for the first few hours, etc. I am going to call my nurse tomorrow and see what she thinks. I am really hoping we have retrieval on that Friday, anyway. It would mean no problems at work for Tom and less problems at work for me. The good outweighs the bad here. I mean, we will be a normal family again. Work at the same time..have dinner able to go out Friday nights..have ALL DAY on Saturday to do family things. This summer went from good to better. Tom will be joining me for the 3 weddings, we can go to the cottage and use the boat, Daddy can come with us to the Dells in August, the list goes on and on. I was just saying how I was really upset about doing all of the IVF shots I don't have to. Ill take it as a "sign" that everything is going to work out just fine. :) I am so happy!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Stims Begin..

Just spoke with a nurse. I have the ALL CLEAR to start Follistim on Sunday evening. 300 IU, at that. HOLY CRAP, IM DOING IVF AGAIN. Its real now. Yet, unreal. Make sense? Cheers to IVF #2 bringing us a healthy baby in 2012.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

In My Head #3

1. Toms new schedule starts Sunday. Guess when they can tell him what he is assigned to? Saturday. We are pretty sure he will get moved to a new division, keep the 3-11pm shift and move to Tuesday & Wednesday off, which is the worst possible days for us. Boo!! 2. I ordered my son a kilt today. He is the ring bearer in Sams wedding in July and I am going to die when I see him walk down that aisle. I am the Matron of Honor, Tom is an usher, Trev's a ring bearer and Delaney is a flower girl(who is wearing a pettiskirt that is so gorgeous!). My whole family will be there, including the new little Princess. I hope we can get some great family photos to blow up. The photographer is amazing and did another wedding I stood up in last year! 3. I thought 2011 was the year for weddings..we already have 3 next summer! One is in Colorado, one is my best friends and one more in August. I LOVE weddings and love that we are at the "age" people start getting married. I also love that we are the old married couple attending these weddings. :) 4. Trevor got a pet fish this weekend. Were still deciding on a name. Its bright blue..any suggestions? 5. I am off work next week and have TONS on my to do list. I have some friends to visit with, a little bit of work to pick up, we plan to go to our cottage for the 2 days Tom is off(whatever they may be!), and Ill be stimming and going to doctors appointments. I hope the weather cooperates so I can take Trevor to the Arboretum right by our house! 6. Tomorrow morning is my blood/ultrasound appointment. I believe its just to give me the go ahead to start stims on Sunday. I am in such an odd place this cycle. Hopeful, but cautious. Scared, yet excited. Anxious, and relaxed. 7. Trevor's 18 month pics are this Friday(a bit early) because our photographer is moving! I got super cute outfits and hope Trevor cooperates. The weather is calling for rain..we will see. 8. Trevor is terrified of the swing. We've gone to the park twice this week and he freaks out. Somehow, he is a daredevil on the play equipment and loves the slides. And loves to give me a heart attack for 30 minutes straight as he lives life dangerously. 9. Tom is off tonight and tomorrow. I am :) today. 10. I am very curious to see how my body will respond to the IVF meds. Last IVF cycle, I did BC longer, follistim and repronex, lupron and the trigger shot. This time, we will use follistim and ganirelix, low dose hcg and the trigger. Im going to try to not compare cycles, but it will be tough. We had 12 eggs retrieved, 2 transferred and 4 frozen. All that and only one baby. I am REALLY HOPING we get a pregnancy and some to freeze outta this. I dont know why its one big paragraph..I tried to fix it and it keeps going back to it!! Sorry!

Wordless Wednesday-Cousins

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Mama's Monkey

This weekend was finally warm enough to head to the zoo!! Now that Trevor knows so much about animals, I knew he would go nuts. He absolutely loved it! We let him walk/run almost the entire time. He tried to climb into everyone elses wagons. I told Daddy he needed to fix Trevor's wheel..that's on his list this week. :)

We saw a lot of animals, enjoyed the sun, played in the park and made lots of monkey noises. He They are for sure his favorite animal! He would wave and say hi, hi, hi! at all the animals. I cant wait to take him back again and again.

His favorite part of the day? Running down the wheelchair ramp multiple times. He thought he was so cool.

All that running made on tired baby. He dozed off in Toms arms on the way out, fell asleep in the car, stayed asleep when placed in his crib, and slept another 3 hours! That night, he wore the monkey jammies he wouldn't let me leave the store without buying.

We are looking to go away for Mothers Day weekend still..somewhere closer..with a zoo. I'm not getting my hopes up until we find out Toms new schedule and the trip is booked!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

IVF Cycle #2

Thursday, during my 345th trip to the bathroom since last Friday, I finally saw blood. It was anti-climatic. Just blood. All I could think we go!! I went in yesterday for blood and ultrasound. I have 20+ teeny follicles just waiting to GROW! I started BC last night and will continue until Wednesday. Thursday, I will return to be sure everything is still quiet. I will start injections on Sunday, April 10th. Much to my surprise, I am excited. I am hopeful. I am going to give this cycle my all, because that's what I do. I feel a little uneasy, having never done IVF with this clinic. I keep reminding myself that I responded well last time and this clinic has even better success rates! According to this doctors schedule, I will have retrieval days before Easter..and have results before Mothers Day.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Elevator Scene

"Yesterday, at that baby shower..I was jealous of Callie. Because she got pregnant, without trying. And we try. I get shots. I take my temperature. I put my legs in the air..and nothing. The universe says, Screw you, Meredith! And gives Callie a kid. And then, puts Callie through a windshield. I mean, what the hell is going on? Whats the point? I mean, is there a reason for this? Because if you can think of a reason, any reason at all, why the universe is SO screwed up..and random and mean. Now would be an amazingly good time to tell me because I could really use some answers."

Tom and I were enjoying our Thursday night together, I was suprised to not hate the Greys episode as I expected..and then the elevator scene. We stopped joking about the singing and commenting on whats coming next. We listened to Merediths call for help and froze. I am really struggling with why? Why do we have to endure so much to become parents? While, at the same time, so many others get pregnant in an instant?

For Trevor, I did 3 rounds of clomid, 6 IUI's and 1 IVF procedure. Thats a lot of money, time, appointments, blood draws, sticks with a needle, pills, side effects, hormones, stress, and negatives.

For baby #2, I have already dealt with a failed FET and a miscarriage.

WHY? Why must we go through so much to hold a baby in our arms? We are good people. A strong couple with an amazing extended family. We can provide for our children financially. We were made to be parents, so WHY is the universe so MEAN?