Monday, January 31, 2011

Pink Blizzard

Chicago is freaking out right now..there is a blizzard comin' our way! Its supposed to start snowing tonight and be at its worst from 3pm tomorrow until 3pm Wednesday. There is talk of 20+ inches, high winds and thunder snow. What the heck is thunder snow?? Usually they hype our weather and we end up with like 2 inches. This time just may be different. I am thankful to drive an SUV on days like this. And I am thankful Toms days off happen to be Wed & Thurs. They are saying there will be no visibility on Wednesday morning, so we will see if I can make it to work safely.

All of this better be cleared up by Thursday morning. I don't care if we have to leave the house at 7am, we are making it to our noon transfer!

I did my second PIO shot tonight. Remind me why I elected to do this?! Ouch! Yesterdays went well. Today, I was on my left side, so it was harder to reach around. I bled for a bit and it became sore instantly. Ill gladly endure a bloody booty the next few weeks if needed!

BIG NEWS-Sissy went for an ultrasound yesterday and..


Its a girl!! I knew it! We are so happy around here. We were due for a girl..Mikey is 11, Brady is almost 7, Delaney is 5, Tyler is 2 and Trevor is 1. That's ONE girl. We neeeeeeeeed another. And we got it! I'm so happy for my sister. After 2 painful losses, her family will be complete. 2 boys and 2 girls. I cant wait to snuggle that little Princess. We went to BRU last night to buy her first nightgowns. I see a lot of shopping in my future. I plan to throw my sister a "sprinkle" in June. I wasn't old enough to help much with her wedding and baby showers. This is my last chance to do something special for her.

I was bad and calculated my potential due date today:October 22, 2011. My hopes are officially sky high. :/

Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Plea

Dear Little Monkeys-Here we are, at the end of this long road together. You've have quite the journey thus far. You hung in a petri dish together for 5 days and then were frozen together, a perfect pair. In your nearly 2 years of being frozen, you have moved locations many times. From clinic #1 to clinic #2. Then, to the surgery center in December and back to the clinic. Now, you'll come to the surgery center on Thursday to be placed back in Mama. Right where you belong..

I give you permission to bounce around on the comfy mattress I've made you..for a short while. Then, I need you to snuggle in for the long haul. I want you inside me for 9 months. And in my arms in October, okay?

I love you SO much already and will spend every single day proving that if you give me the chance.

You have a pretty amazing Daddy and the best brother around. Just wait and see.

Love, Mama

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Transfer is SET!

Our transfer is finally set..for Thursday. THIS Thursday, less than 5 days away! I am elated.

I went in this morning and my lining was a beautiful 8.9mm. The nurse said she presumed Dr. would give us the appointment for Thursday, based on my bloodwork results. I got the call late this afternoon.

I will take the same drugs tonight and change it up tomorrow morning. Tomorrow brings 2 estrace in the am and 2 in the pm, prenatal vitamin, baby asprin, endometrin in the am and late afternoon and PIO in the evening.

PIO is something I wanted to do last cycle as a comfort to myself. I used it when I had my IVF cycle and I liked those results. There was some confusion for my first FET and they told me to only use the PIO if I started bleeding while pregnant. This time, I made sure to express that I wanted to use it during the cycle. Im nervous, having not administered it in almost 2 yrs. Plus, Toms working tomorrow-Tuesday night, so Im on my own for a few nights.

Our appointment on Thursday is for noon. I plan to leave Trevor with my sister for a few hours and then he will go to nap at my Moms. They both think were going to an IVF consult appointment. I hope to go to a movie with Tom after the appointment. I want to take it easy and a daytime date sounds perfect to me. Even if it involves another man impregnating me. :)

I feel hope again. For the first time in this cycle. I will try to keep this state of mind at least until Thursday and they tell me both embryos thawed.

Heres to FET #2 giving us a 2011 baby!!

Oh yeah, one more thing. Trevor went out in the snow for the first time today. January 29th. Uh, yes, we live in Chicago and have had snow on the ground for months. We went to the Arboretum to check out the huskys dogsledding and this kid was in love with the soft white stuff. I mean, walking around, digging, falling down and getting right back up, putting his face in it, etc. All while not complaining about wearing mittens and snowpants. He never ceases to amaze me.


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Trev Talkin'

I need to take a time out and update on Trevor Michael! He is such a little sponge right now, soaking up the world around him. I love this age SO much!
The main subject I am impressed with is his language. His list of words he says grows just about every day. Here are words in his current vocabulary:
Mama
Dada
Doggies
Sit
Shoot-for basketball
Snack
Ball
Whoa
Cool
Uh-oh
Cheese(with the face, I might add)
Car
Off
Flush(any guesses who taught that one?)
Hi
Night-night
Eyes
There
Santa
A version of thank you
..I know there is more, but I'm drawing a blank.

Of course, he talks in his own language alllll day long. I absolutely adore it. He will repeat a word back to you if you ask. He pronounces Trevor VERY cute!


When Tom keeps Trevor home with him, I usually come home to them in matching outfits..
He signs for more and all done.

He can point to his ears, eyes and belly button. I'm trying to work on a new body part every 2 days.
He understands everything. I mean everything. If you ask him to put his clothes in the hamper, he will. If you ask him to go get a puzzle, done. He doesn't usually get frustrated because he is so good at communicating. Except if he wants your food. Then, he whines.

Mamas birthday cake, he loved Grandmas chocolate eclair recipe!
He figured out how to restart his show on the TV. We DVR a few shows during the day and he often watches one before bed. One day, the show ended and he got up to push a button on the cable box. Sure enough, it restarted. We thought it was a fluke, so we fast forwarded to the end(a blue screen) and he got up and did it again! Quite the observant child.

My good friend Meghan came by for a joint birthday dinner
He does pretty good with strangers right now. As long as I am near. He will let others hold him and is actually very friendly. Sometimes, he just needs his Mama.
I took him to his second music class last week and he did great. He really picked up on the whole routine. He went to the teacher to get his instruments and was willing to give them back when the time came. He would randomly run around the room and yell happily. The funniest part of the class was when she passed out egg shakers. Each child got 2. Trevor spend the entire 6 minutes trying to figure out how he could balance both eggs against his body in one hand, so he had a free hand to grab someone elses egg. I laughed so hard!
We took him to the Children's Museum last Friday. Last time we went, he was still crawling. He loved it, as expected! Its always nice to have times as our little family of 3.
He still takes a pacifier(which we call ninny) when he sleeps and if he is super fussy. I plan to make it for sleeping only when he turns 15 months next month.
He drinks a bottle when he wakes and when its bedtime. He does awesome with a cup, but he simply doesn't drink enough milk that way.
I plan to introduce potty training when he turns 18 months. Nothing major, just sitting him on the potty in the morning, at bath time and at night. I have potty trained 1 boy and 2 girls. From my experience, boys are harder. I cant decide if I want to set him on the big potty and completely skip the kiddie one. That's what we did with the other 3 kids.

Trevor is still a rock star sleeper and yes, I realize I am lucky. He still needs his morning nap. So, he sleeps about an hour in the morning and 2-3 hours in the afternoon. He is in bed by 8pm. Sometimes, we keep him up a bit later on the weekends and he will sleep in for us.
He has been sick this week. He had a fever of about 101 Saturday-Monday. I kept it down with Tylonel and watched for other symptoms. Tuesday morning, Tom took him in to have his ears checked and he said it was just a viral infection that had to run its course. Today, he still has a fever and his nose is running like a geyser. Its so raw it was bleeding a bit this morning. :( I'm hoping he kicks this fever soon.
He also has his 8th tooth coming in, making it an even 4 on the top and 4 on the bottom.
I cant believe he will be 15 months soon. He has given us 15 months of indescribable happiness. We are so thankful.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

FET #2 CD 489320843

..Okay, its really CD 31.

BUT, it feels like forever.

I went in today for my monitoring appointment. My lining was 5.25. At this point last cycle, it was 7.26. They want me to come in again on Saturday to get another lining check. The transfer will either be February 3rd or 10th.

This cycle has been pushed back again and again. I had to wait 2 extra to start birth control pills because my estrogen level was too high. Then, my period came 2 days later than last time, pushing back starting estrace pills. Now, my lining is taking longer to build up, possibly pushing me back an entire week.

I don't mind everything being different this cycle. Although, everything went so beautifully last time. Other than the whole not getting pregnant thing..

So, I up my estrace to 6/day on Friday and go in Saturday. I'm really hoping they say everything looks good for next Thursday. I am so ready to move to the next step in the process!

Final Day

Well, we have been home a week now so its about time I post about the last day of our trip. I would like to call it the-day-I-took-a-ton-of-pictures-to-try-to-make-up-for-the-ones-I-should-have-taken-the-whole-time!
Stephen was off to work that day so it was just me, Evan and the kids. We had a low key morning and I started packing up first thing. I'm glad I did because we made it back without forgetting anything! We played and cleaned a bit. The kids went down for a nap and Evan and I had lunch together.
When there was about an hour before we had to leave, we woke up Trevor and Charlotte. They needed a little extra time to love on each other. Charlotte put on her Christmas gift from us, the cutest giraffe outfit you'll ever see! She looked adorable!





Charlotte is so not having this photo session!




Above=give us that!
Below=we got it!

We played in the playroom one last time while Evan loaded the car. Trevor may have finally started to like swings again!



Giving Bradley a push.



This is how we dive in and out of the ball pit.
We stopped at a store to grab Tom a few shirts and headed to the airport. We flew through security and had plenty of time when we got to our gate. We waited to be the last few people on the plane. I was exhausted from the trip and really worried about how he would do on the flight back. He was an angel! He enjoyed a sucker for the first 20 minutes. Then, I put on Baby Einstein on the DVD player and he sat so still that I was able to use my right hand to read my book. I was so proud of him!

His shirt says Dad is my co-pilot.

It was a great way to end a great trip. We will count the days until we see the Hopkins family again. I'm hoping something will happen in April-ish. :0)

Monday, January 24, 2011

My Dream

I came across this on another blog and wanted to share.

"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.I have learned to appreciate life.Yes, I will be a wonderful mother." - Unknown

The one line that really stuck with me since reading this a few days ago is My dream will be crying for me. I have been in such a bad place ever since our negative FET cycle. Its mainly fear of the unknown. If someone came up to me and said, "You will be pregnant by June." I would sit back, relax and enjoy the next 4 months. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. I have no clue if this FET will work. I don't know if a fresh IVF cycle would be successful. I fear that we will use all our our insurance coverage and be left with nowhere to turn.

That being said, I need to stop filling my mind with these thoughts. I need to focus on the little dream sleeping in his room right now. I need to be positive that I will be holding his brother or sister soon. I need to keep my head high, no matter how bad my heart hurts. I need to stop the tears.

Because, one day, my {second} dream will be crying for me.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

GO BEARS!!



Our Father who Art in Chicago, Football be thy game. Let Forte run, 1 Superbowl won, on earth as it is in Soldier Field.


Give us Sunday a playoff victory, and forgive us our penalties, as we defeat those Packers who play against us. And lead us not into elimination, but deliver us to Dallas!


In the name of the fans, the city of Chicago... and the good Bears name, AMEN!


Friday, January 21, 2011

Georgia Aquarium

Alright, picking up from Saturday morning. I got literally 2 hours of sleep before Trevor was up for the day. We went downstairs, ate breakfast and played with the kids for a bit. I layed him down for a morning nap and slept right along with him. I was so thankful that worked out, I don't know how I could have functioned without that nap!
After naps, we loaded in the van and went to the aquarium. Evan and I got the boys matching sweaters..we had this planned for months. The common color was grey, so we made sure Charlotte had a grey dress. They all looked sooo stinkin cute!


Charlotte and her silly clapping
Sweet Andrew
Silly Bradley


Goofy Trevor
Trevor goes nuts over fish and I knew he would just love the aquarium. It was huge! We loved the moving walkway with the tank all around us. Trevor's favorite animals were the penguins. He was squealing at them so loud.




We have a really great aquarium in Chicago. One things the Georgia aquarium had was whale sharks-the largest sharks around. They were enormous. I was completely enthralled.








We met Deepo, the mascot. Trevor liked him! He also loved being out of the stroller and running around. He does a pretty good job of holding your hand and listening when you tell him to go a certain way. But, sometimes, he goes wherever he wants.




We picked out a penguin from the gift shop for Trevor's souvenir. Then, we stopped at a drive thru called the Varsity to bring dinner home. It was really good.
After the kids ate, we attempted a photo shoot. It was a bust. Better luck next time?


We gave the kids a quick bath and put them to bed.



I was surprised we made it until 10pm. We were so tired and went to bed the second Desperate Housewives was over. Trevor slept great. So, I slept great. Ill post pics of our last day another time. There are lots of them..