Gone Too Soon

Sigh.

My sister miscarried the baby.

I am upset for everyone in our family. Mainly, the kids.

My mom brought Brady and Delaney home with her so my sis and brother-in-law could rest.

I walked in after work and Delaney said, "Auntie Erin, did you know the baby inside my mom is dead?"

Talk about ripping my heart out and stomping on it..

Big News Squared

Lots has been going on with the Robertson family lately. I have to share two quick bits of information before I head to bed!

1-My sister is PREGNANT! With her 4TH child! They announced it on Christmas and I couldn't be more excited. I love being an Auntie almost as much as I love being a Mama.

2-Toms private investigator called him this evening and he has an interview with the Merit board on Tuesday. (For the Cook County Correctional Officer Job!!) This is HUGE! This is a leap in the right direction.

I have more details on both subjects I will share later. I also need to do a massive catchup on you guys. I miss my blog and plan to be back SOON!

Because no post is complete without a picture of Trevor-

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!

The Robertson Family

Tom, Erin and Trevor Michael

Spectacular Saturday

Before I start babbling, I wanted to answer a few ?'s I have been asked lately.

1-No, we do not cloth diaper. That was just for pictures.
2-The kids I nanny for are 2, 3, and 5. Essentially, my days are spent as a SAHM of 4 children under 5. Its a lot of work, but I love it. Oh, and TODAY she told me that she is pregnant. Things are going to get interesting.
3-I would love to meet with fellow bloggers while in Minnesota. Our time there is short, but I wouldnt pass up this opportunity! Please send me a direct email to TERobertson18@aol.com if you want to set something up!!
4-The best way to contact me and be guaranteed a response, is that email. I check if many times a day and get back to people in a somewhat timely fashion. :)

We had an exceptionally wonderful day this past Saturday. First off, we all got a full nights rest, as Trevor slept from 12:30 am to 8:45 am!! I woke up before him! He has been sleeping well for about ten days. Usually from 10 or 11 until 4 or 5. He has gotten into a little routine and its been very nice.

After we shook off the shock of our rock star baby sleeping so well, we gave Trevor his first bath in his real tub. He LOVED it! He was so calm and relaxed. We put a heater in the bathroom about 10 minutes before we undressed him. It was so warm and toasty in there. I gave him his usual mini massage with lotion after the bath and for the first time, he seemed to really enjoy it.

We headed out with our squeaky clean Trevor for his very first playdate! My friend Jenn, who also got pregnant via IVF, had her son, Logan, just 9 days after Trevor was born. The Mommy's were too excited to introduce our baby boys! We met at Bass Pro Shop to take a picture with Santa. Let me tell ya, Trevy is a big fan! He was fussing a bit in my arms because I only gave him one boob *standing in a bathroom stall, I might add*. I was sure the picture would be a disaster, but reminded myself that it was free. Sure enough, I set Mr. Trevor in the big guys arms and he was content and stared at that white beard. It was adorable!

Afterward, we went to lunch so the Mamas and Daddy could catch up. They are the only real life couple we know that went through IVF. Its amazing the connection you share. We hope to get the boys together once a month so we can watch them grow together. :)

We returned home and relaxed for a bit. Then, it happened. A big milestone I wasnt anticipating just yet. I was holding Trevor and talking away when all of a sudden, HE SMILED AT ME! A REAL SMILE! My heart totally stopped beating for a second there. It was truly one of the best moments in my life. It wasnt just a fluke either. He did it another time, as I was screaming for Tom to come see. He took a break from showing off for a few hours and smiled for both of us later in the night. Ahh.. my son smiles.

Here are Trevors one month pictures. I plan on taking one with his giraffe and a close up with the blocks each month until he is 1 year old!

Who can resist putting a new baby in a stocking? I cant!

Next up? A Tyler and Trevor photo shoot.

Trevor thinking..who is this beast?

These two are going to be trouble..

Tyler thinking..am I really that bad?

Two more pictures from the week. A chubby guy and sleeping angels.

Happy Monday!

Bold Words

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is one of the things I was most looking forward to doing. When I was told Trevor would be going to the NICU, it was one of my first concerns. Would I be able to feed him? In the NICU, they monitor the baby's food intake very closely. If he had been in the room with me, he would have simply been feed with my colostrum. However, they had to supplement Trevor in the NICU to keep up with his needs. I was immediately worried whether he would be able to latch onto me after having bottles. Also, breastfeeding is not the main concern for the nurses in there. Thankfully, the lactation consultants at the hospital were phenomenal. One met with me the same day I gave birth and showed me how to pump and gave me lots of tips, advice and encouragement. The second day, another consultant spent an hour with us in the NICU, showing me proper holding techniques, answering questions and successfully got Trev to latch on. It was amazing.

I fed Trevor as often as I could, but it was difficult to work around the restrictions of the NICU. Not to mention it was hard work! I was a little worried about how he would do once discharged. I am proud to say, he is the best nurser! We had a little trouble the first few days. My milk came in the first night home and my breasts were super engorged. He had trouble grabbing on. The next day, I went to Target and bought a nipple shield. It was a exactly what I needed! We used that for a few days until I could manage my supply. One feeding I simply took it away and he was fine without it. He has been doing amazing ever since.

I adore breastfeeding him. I love the time spent together. I love knowing I am still providing for him.
My breasts are rock starts in the supply department. They think I need to feed triplets or something. I sit down for 10 minutes and pump 8 oz like its nothing. One entire shelf of our freezer is full.

I will say breastfeeding is a huge commitment. It is time consuming. You cant pass your breast to your husband for a feeding. Trevor is doing great with bottles, but does not have them often. Breastfeeding in public is a hoot. On Sunday, we took all 5 kids to the Winter Wonderfest at Navy Pier. It was a challenge to find a place to nurse Trevor while entertaining 4 other children and trying to have some privacy. That's where the Hooter Hider comes in handy. :)

I plan on exclusively breastfeeding Trevor until he one year old. However, if we do a FET in August like we intend to, I will wean him early and provide him breast milk in bottles until his birthday.

Oh yeah, my boobs are now a 38E. Never thought Id say that..

Recovery

Four weeks post birth and I am still recovering. In fact, I am still bleeding. Not much, but I am sick of wearing pads every day! My tailbone pain has not gone away and I begin physical therapy for it on Friday. I called my doctor last week to let her know the pain was persisting and she said it would be pointless to do an x-ray because there is nothing they could do for it. Physical therapy is my only option. I am hoping it helps quick! Sitting is painful. Riding in the car, nursing, etc..I change positions every few minutes to try to find comfort. We saw a movie last week and for some reason, the chair hurt me so bad, I almost wanted to leave.

Other than that, I feel great. I weigh about 6 lbs less than when I got pregnant. Yipee for losing IVF weight. I have about 5-10 lbs to go until I am really happy. I need the go-ahead to do crunches so I can have a somewhat flat tummy again. I am really anxious for that 6 week appointment. I want to be able to exercise and have sex!

Siblings

Speaking of sex, when will we have #2? That's the million dollar question. Birth control will NOT be used in our home. EVER. The way I see it, if we get a surprise sooner than wed like, we would be over the moon happy. Trevor took us 2 years, about $12,000 and a lot of pain to get. Wouldn't it be something if we just had sex and got pregnant?! Like those normal folk!?

I don't expect that to happen. Breastfeeding acts as birth control for most. I figure Ill fall into that category. Like I said, if we do not get pregnant on our own while bfeeding, we will attempt a FET in August. I am going to meet with my fertility doctor in the Spring and get him on board with this.

Husband

Tom. Oh, Tom. He has gone and stolen my heart again by being the best Daddy. He is completely hands on. He constantly wants to hold Trevor and kiss him. He does the dirty stuff too..baths, diapers, burps. I am able to leave Trevor with him and not worry. I look at the way he looks at Trevor..and melt. He is so proud that Trevor looks exactly like him, its ridiculous.

I love those two boys more than I ever thought possible.

Vacation

My sister graduates with her Masters Degree on the 19th. We are going to Wisconsin Dells to celebrate! I am currently searching for newborn swim trunks in December..quite a challenge.

I mentioned before that I found a great Southwest sale. Well, we booked our trip to the Mall of America! Southwest was offering $25/one way tix there from Chicago! How could I pass that up? We are going MLK Day weekend, which happens to be my bday weekend. Our friends Christina and Anthony and their 1 year old Madison are also coming. We are super excited!

We are also in the process of planning our big Disney trip. Were looking into the end of April. I hope to have the week chosen, rental home booked and flights bought by the 1st. Well see.

Its amazing how much more you look forward to things like this when you have a miracle child to share it with. Trevor's first plane ride, first Mickey ears, first time in the water park..life is better when you're heart is full.

Work

I had 4 weeks off for maternity leave. I spent one week pregnant, one in the hospital, and two with Trevor. Tom was off for the few days in the hospital, and that was IT! Most couples take much more time off, but not us. I went back to work last Tuesday, the 1st. Remember, I am a nanny. I work M-Thursday, 10 hour days. I am thankful to be able to bring Trevor with me. I couldn't imagine going back to work and leaving him behind. My mom will keep him some mornings if I want. I imagine Ill take her up on that more often as it gets colder and the snow continues. Regardless, I really have the perfect set up. I get paid for caring for children I love and I get to be with my baby.

Motherhood

I have always said I was put on this Earth to be a Mother. It happens to be true. I am doing exactly what I am supposed to. I love every second of this "job." I have never felt something more natural. He just..belongs.

Thanksgiving Week

Moving on to Trevor's second week home..it seems like it was so long ago. We were glad it was a short work week for Daddy, we really miss him when hes gone. We had one day of warm weather and took advantage by taking everyone for a walk.

Trevor had his 2 week check up on the Tuesday before Turkey day. He grew 1/4th of an inch and weighed 9 lb. 7 oz. We have no issues with weight gain here!

Trevor woke up on Thanksgiving with the dreaded newborn rash. It was terrible that day, but has gotten much better since. It seems to be irritated when he sweats. I hope he doesn't end up having sensitive skin and its just a temporary thing.

Our whole family went to my Aunt and Uncles for dinner. My mom has made dinner my entire life. This is the first year we were invited somewhere..all 14 of us. I made two deserts and got great reviews! Tyler was very sick with a high fever and double ear infection, so they missed dinner.

We left their house, picked up the dogs and headed to the cottage. We hadn't been there since mid-August and were very excited to see what has been done! My brother had bought a huge fireplace that helps keep the basement warm. He also splurged on two snowmobiles that we cant wait to use!

We had the best weekend. We lounged and relaxed and snuggled like crazy. I rented Super Mario for Wii for the kids. Somehow, Tom and I ended up addicted and played it like crazy.

Here is Delaney nursing her baby with my boppy and hooter hider.

Ahh, my Mini-me!

We dreaded the weekend ending. I had one more day of maternity leave before returning to work on that Tuesday.

I have a lot running through my mind lately. I hope to find the time to sit down and blog about it soon. For now, I am going to stare into those beautiful blue eyes..

Ten Days Old

I turned ten days old on November 21st. Mama kept telling me we had a big day ahead of us. She was right! First, we drove to have my newborn pictures taken. I didn't have any taken in the hospital because I was in the NICU, so my parents made an appointment with a photographer. They wanted to get plain newborn pics, our Christmas card pic and some family ones. Turns out, I do not like to be naked and put in random places without someone snuggling me. What can I say? I'm a sweet boy. Here are the ones Mama liked. They are all plain newborn ones. She did not like the family ones or Christmas ones. I was crying in most of them. And she is critical of herself. Daddy told me to remind her that shes pretty.

Oh, I almost forgot. My belly button fell off when my parents went to change me on that day. Another milestone.

After the photo shoot, we rushed home, I ate and we changed. Then, we drove into Oak Park to attend my first wedding. Mama and Daddy were happy to take me there, since it was at the church they were married at. I found it a bit boring; Mama said most boys do. I slept the whole time. See my friend, Froggy? Yep, were best buds when Im in the carseat. He soothes me.

Again, we rushed back home, I ate, we changed, and then headed to the reception. Mama and Daddy found me the perfect shirt to wear. Everyone fought over holding and loving on me. I was a very good boy and alert for hours. Mama and I danced to a song called "At Last"..she told me it was very fitting. The whole family had a great time.

Me and Uncle Mike

At last..

My Mama, Ama and Ga-Ga, Auntie and Uncles!

Molly and Me

My family-I'm the cute one

Have a good weekend, everyone. I'm gonna go get me some boobie.

Love, Baby Trevor Michael