Things I dont want to forget about Christmas 2012...
1) Trevors love of Christmas music. He has learned so many lyrics and can sing a ton of songs. He loves Frosty, Drummer boy and Jingle Bells.
2) Gavins favorite song is Jingle Bells. As soon as is comes on or you start singing it, he sways his shoulders back and forth and claps.
3) Our tree. This is the first year we have a full size tree and its real! It is beautiful and perfect. Everyone thats come over cant believe its not fake. The boys have been great about leaving it alone. We didnt have to gate it off.
4) Trevors excitement about our family ornament. We had one made at the mall..its a little black bear family with 2 kids on a sled. They wrote our names on it and Trevor loves it. He has shown it to everyone and must have asked 50 times who is who on the ornament.
5) The boys love Santa! I think Disney was a good intro to people in suits. :) Gavin never cried while on his lap. Trevor loved him too. Although, he was a little shy about talking to him and saying what he wants for Christmas. His answer was "car things".
6) Last night, we started a new tradition and drove to see an outdoor light display. We put the boys in jammies, I sat in the back with them and we sang along to Christmas carols(even Daddy!). The lights were fun to see.
7) We tried to teach Gavin to say Ho-ho-ho. His vocabulary is limited to Mama, Dada, Mwah, and Hi..so it didnt happen. However, he bounces his body up and down a bit as you would if you said Ho-ho-ho.
8) Trevor has really enjoyed our elf, Chippy. We didnt do anything crazy with him this year. He simply moved around our house each night. Trevor loved finding him in the morning. He is very informed and will tell you Chippy has magic and can fly and you can NOT touch him.
9) Trevors favorite movie is Polar Express. His favorite books to read have been the two Olivia Christmas ones we have.
10) This has been the most magical Christmas yet and it isnt even over! Seeing the magic of Chriytmas through a 3 year olds eyes is something special. Being able to experience a 1st Christmas again is the cherry on top.
We checked everything off our holiday to do list except the Lincoln Park zoo lights, which we plan to see next week. We loved every minute of celebrating the season. I cant wait to see the boys tomorrow morning when they see the gifts under the tree.
Merry Christmas from our family to yours!
Monday, December 24, 2012
Things I dont want to forget about Christmas 2012...
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Well, I ended up going to the doctor for blood and ultrasound today. Everything looked great and Im instructed to lower my lupron dosage to 5 units and add an estrace at night. I up to two estrace a day starting Thursday and take the leap to 6 a day starting next Monday. I dont have to go back to the office until that Monday, New Years Eve.
I asked the nurse about the date of the actual FET and found out it will for sure be the 10th, since Dr. M will be out of town on the 3rd. My office always does a beta 8 days post. That puts it at Friday, January 18th.
I am not sure how I feel about that. I hope its a good sign. Im really happy to know the date and to have instructions for the next 9 days. It still amazes me how laid back a frozen cycle is.
19 days until FET.
27 days until Beta.
3 days until Christmas. :)
Thursday, December 20, 2012
IM SO HAPPY, OH, SO HAPPY! I WANT TO GO FROLIC OUTSIDE IN THE RAIN STORM!!!!!!
Well, it came, about 7:30 tonight. I probably shouldnt be this happy about blood. But I am.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Its really easy to remember what day you're on when you started on the 1st of the month. :)
Ive been off birth control for 2 days now. Im waiting for my period and thinking itll come around Wednesday.
Trevor likes watching me do my shots. I told him that I take shots to have more babies. He says he wants 5 boys and 4 girls. Silly boy.
There is a serious baby boom in 2013. TONS of summer babies being announced...lots of gender reveals in the coming months. I sure hope we can join in on the fun.
Weve kept things pretty secretive..if people ask, we say I am on birth control to regulate things. Very few know Ive actually been on more meds than that for a while.
I have this grand plan in my head..of sharing that I am pregnant at Gavins bday party..since itll be right around 13 weeks. Ive thought of when, how, the thrill of it all.
I hope Im not setting myself for heartache. Damn it, this will work!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Twelve random thought as on 12-12-12:
1) Only 3 birth control pills left! I had my weeks off in my head and was thinking Id get the lupron bleed around Christmas. I should get it a few days after stopping bc on Saturday. Woo hoo for moving forward!
2) I took the boys to Navy Pier today. They had $12 parking so we took advantage and went to the Childrens museum. It was a blast.
3)Trevor has turned a corner recently. I had been joking for months about wanting to look back and say we made it through that terrible stage. Here I am; we made it! He is back to my sweet, loving, well behaved boy and I love it!
4)Gavin is sleeping! Finally! It feels amazing to hear him at 6 or 7 am, rather than 2 or 3.
5)Speaking of sleeping, Tom has been working the overnight shift since we got back from Florida. Im not a fan of sleeping alone, but its been okay. Weve adjusted our life to the schedule and its working.
6)No news on the police job front.
7)Tom has been working out at work and eating better. Its about time I got on the bandwagon, so I started the 30 day shred today. Ive been unhappy with my body since Gavin and when you add in winter and the holidays, I cant let it get any more out of control. Hopefully I can stick with it!
8)Still no snow in Chicago. I love the snow, as long as its on the weekend when we dont have to be anywhere. :) Im hoping it comes soon because I know Trevor will go nuts.
9)Both boys gifts are done and wrapped. Tom is done, too. I need to get a few friends and family members done, maybe this weekend.
10)A little over a month until my birthday. I do not like getting older.
11)Yesterday, I was told 5 times how small Gavin is. I KNOW, people. We were at Monkey Bizness and he was crawling around and pulling up and walking holding my hands. Every Mom asked how old he was and had the comment about how tiny he is. I believe its because they think hes older since he is so steady. He was 15 lb. 12 oz. at 9 months..less than 3rd %ile.
12)I wish I could see into the future..to the day were in an ultrasound room..seeing a heartbeat or two. :)
Monday, December 10, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Were moving along in this FET process. Ive had 3 nights of shots so far and they have been easy peasy. Right now, my evening cocktail is 10 units lupron, prenatal, birth control, and baby aspirin. This will continue until Saturday and then Ill stop the birth control. The holidays are a good time to cycle because you are so distracted with the madness they bring..days fly by and all of a sudden youre on day 9. :)
In other good news, I got our insurance figured out. I just had to put a call into my OB and ask for another referral. I didnt need to go in, they just submitted it and faxed it over to the RE. I was scared they would tell me to stop meds until they had it, but I didnt need the referral until I go in for my day 3 ultrasound, That will be right around Christmas and thats when they consider the FET cycle to really begin. Phew! Im so thankful for our insurance each and every day.
Im finding it hard to picture being pregnant in about a month. I want to believe it will happen. I would love to be able to celebrate another 1st Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas next year. I want the thrill of seeing PREGNANT on a test. I look forward to that first ultrasound and a beautiful heartbeat. These are a few of my favorite things...
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
I talked to my nurse today and got the go ahead to start lupron on Thursday. As if taking a little birth control pill each night wasnt exciting enough...I can not wait to inject myself each night. I will continue birth control and add lupron for 10 days, then stop the BC and continue the lupron. I should get a period as soon as I stop birth control and will go in for day 3 blood and ultrasound. Then, Ill start building the lining and things will really start moving! This is the slow, boring part of the process..but because I have been waiting so long to start it, I am thrilled!!
My doctor does transfers on Thursdays, so if all goes well, transfer will be January 3rd or 10th. My birthday is the 18th, so Ill take two pink lines as a gift this year. :)
Monday, December 3, 2012
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Its a week later and guess what? I am still crabby. Ugh. I am trying hard to shake this mood, but its not happening. I was sure my period was coming any minute, thus the bad mood. However, I am still waiting and its getting obnoxious at this point.
With all the stress of Toms potential job, I am not shocked its late. Ive tried to relax, we had a fun weekend, I am telling myself that its out of my control. As if I wasnt anxious enough to get the ball rolling on our FET cycle, I found out that our insurance is changing names/group numbers as of December 1st. So, the lady clarified that if I start meds before the 1st, Id be set. If I need to start after, it will be an issue to get approval through the new group. Not what I wanted to hear.
Whats the best way to make your period come? Pee on a stick, of course. Even when you know there is no way youre pregnant, seeing the NOT still stings.
Our entire future is out of our hands and its wearing on me and Tom. We walk around each day, waiting for a phone call, an email, or blood.
Until then, I imagine I will continue to hate everything.
I hate ungrateful pregnant people. I hate that Evan lives too many states away. I hate my body. I hate seeing Tom this nervous. I HATE that I feel this way.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
..I had planned to post today about the last day of our trip. I was going to talk about how it was the best vacation ever and it was hard to leave. How those memories will forever be etched in my heart.
..But, I cant. Not today. I am in a bit of a rut and I dont seem to be climbing out any time soon. I have so much on my plate and its wearing on me.
This weekend was nuts. Tom and I went on a nice date Friday night and then he was so sick that night through yesterday. He caught some nasty bug that left him in our bedroom for 36 hours. He missed two days of work. We had two birthday parties on Saturday and were headed to one on Sunday when Trevor threw up all over the car/himself. We were 30 minutes from home and on the highway. Not a good combo.
Luckily, he recovered faster than Daddy(imagine that!) and it skipped me and Gavin.
Gavin, however, is teething big time. His gums are swollen and one tooth will pop through any moment. He has been very needy and on my hip 24/7.
These things are no big deal. Gavins teeth will come and the boys will be 100% better soon. There are 2 bigger things weighing on my mind.
1)Toms job. He is about 75% done with the hiring process for a new police department. Everything has gone well, its his dream job, it should happen. I told Tom it feels like all of our eggs are in one basket. Not just any eggs-ostrich eggs. At any moment a wild animal can come eat our eggs. And it terrifies me. They can decide not to hire him at any moment and our world will be rocked.
2)Getting pregnant. There are new pregnancy announcements daily. Yes, daily! Its the same old- happy for them(most of the time) and sad for you. After 5 years struggling with infertility, its not any easier. I hate my body, I hate that I cant make a baby with my husband, I hate having no clue if/when Ill get pregnant again. My period is 2 weeks late and I am impatient. I want to get the ball rolling forward. I did order my FET meds today and will get them tomorrow, in case my period comes this weekend...Ill be ready. I was sure I would have by now. Last time I was this crabby, I got my period the next day and thought, "That explains it!" This time? Bad mood is on day 2 and no blood in sight..
Our entire life is up in the air. The majority of our 7 years together has been like this. Im tired, emotionally drained and hanging on by a thread.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
We were leaving the park and walking to the car..I was pouting and talking about how I wish we could live there and we didnt know when we would be back..