Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Just Breathe

Sorry for the delay..lots of thoughts and emotions in my head right now. Here's what happened.

Monday night, we went to bed at 11pm, after the fireworks and fest. I slept terrible and had a dream I miscarried. :/ I had to get up at 5:15 to shower and leave the house in time for my ultrasound.

Tuesday, we made it there on time and I was so nervous my legs were shaking. The tech put the wand in and right away you could see a sac. She browsed a bit for a second and didn't see one. She went back to the sac and had to measure it 3 times to get a reading. It came up at 5w3d, which is what I was yesterday. She showed me that it was in the perfect location and that everything looked great.

I left feeling really disappointed. I still want my large family and I do not want to go through hell many more times to have more kids! I was hoping we would get 2 this time and be that much closer to being done. My thoughts quickly turned to being thankful for the gestational sac inside me. I didnt feel any relief from the ultrasound..I want to see that heartbeat!

The nurse called in late afternoon and said lets schedule another ultrasound for next Tuesday. As the evening goes on..I get more anxious. When I get back in my car at the end of the day, I cant help but think the sac looks so empty. I remember going in for Trevor's first scan like it was yesterday. I had no clue what to look for, but the nurse pointed everything out. Gestational sac, yolk sac, fetal pole..it was all there..at 5.5 weeks. It should have been there yesterday. Yet, none of it was seen..just a sac.

I called my nurse today told her I had to be a needy patient. I told her about the past ultrasound and that I was terrified I would go in next week and see nothing. She assured me that it looks fine, but there is no guarantee. She talked it over with the ultrasound tech and they agreed I should return this Friday, to ease my mind. So, another wait. less than 48 hours. Here is babys home..if there is a baby in there. Any experiences, thoughts and input welcome!


I'm so exhausted physically and mentally. I don't want to wonder and wait. I don't want to fear the worst. I want to see a heart beating inside me and start celebrating!

38 comments:

Patterson Family said...

Thanks for an update. I know this is a lot to think about. I would feel the same way you are - unsure. My first ultrasound with Drake wasn't until 6w6d so I can't compare, but I know I've read that sometimes the heartbeat doesn't show until after 6 weeks. You had great numbers and if the tech said things look good, that's all you can go off of right now. I'm glad they got you in a little sooner. Praying for a nice strong heartbeat on Friday!

((HUGS))

Allison said...

Glad you updated! I am still praying for you. Friday will come soon and I have faith you will see more!

Ella said...

That's exactly what my 5w u/s looked like, too. I have a healthy 20 month old now! I know it's worrisome, though, and in fact next time I think I will turn down such an early u/s and just wait until at least 6 weeks - super early ones just cause worry :( I'm so sorry you didn't see more -- I hope Friday's shows you a beautiful beating heart!

Megan said...

Erin - hang in there. When I went in for my first ultrasound, it showed a sac but no baby. The doctor said it could be two things: that it was either too early in the pregnancy to see anything, or the sac formed but a baby didn't (a blighted ovum). I was terrified, bawling on the table, fearing the worst. I was sent for another beta the next day, and it continued to climb so I tried to remain positive. I was made to wait 11 long, scary days before I was given my next ultrasound, and that time, we heard a beautiful heartbeat. It was the best day of my life aside from the day our miracle boy was born! He is now almost 18 months old and the light of our lives.

The day we heard a heartbeat, I measured 6w6d. That means the first ultrasound 11 days earlier, that just showed a sac, was taken at 5w2d. It was just too early to see anything else that day, but all was perfect and our little man was growing strong!

I'm so, so hopeful for you!

xoxo

Bobbi said...

I had my first ultrasound really early on and my sac looked SOOOOOOOO empty. I think I had it done at 6 weeks. You can scroll back and look at my archives...it'd be in April 2011. You can see my ultrasound pic and compare. You can see a little something, since I was further along, but still...barely visible! I think you're fine, but I totally understand your concern and fear. You've been through so much!!!

Peaches xx said...

to be honest, i have been worrying about you all of yesterday and today so im so pleased that something showed up! and i think everyone else is right. i just looked images up on google for you and everybodys looks similar. http://www.google.co.uk/search?rlz=1C1DVCF_enGB364GB371&aq=1&oq=5+week+gestat&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=5+week+gestation+ultrasound

i hope everything works! im 17 and i only found out yesterday after i have thought about it for months that i shouldnt be infertile but i was terrified so understand roughly what it must be like for you. fingers crossed!

Jessica@The Southern Belle Baby said...

I know you're feeling incredibly anxious right now. My first ultrasound with Knox was at 4w5 days and there was only a tiny little sac. I saw his heartbeat for the first time at 5w5d- you could barely make out the blur that was the baby, he was so small. I hope that you see that heartbeat SOON!

Alyssa said...

I think it's awesome that the sac is measuring on time.

I am praying for you :)

The Edin Family said...

Erin,
My name is Leigha. I just happened upon your blog from a friends. I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. I also wanted to tell you that the exact same thing happened to me. My first pregnancy you could see something in there at 5.5 weeks. My second pregnancy at 5.5 weeks they saw nothing..I came back a week later and there was the baby. Praying for you and your family.

Jennifer said...

This is exactly what my ultra sound picture looked like at 5 weeks!! I have a perfectly healthy 12 month baby girl!!! :-). I can't wait until you hear that babies heart beating!!! Stay positive and dream happy thoughts of that beautiful baby growing in you!! :-)

Stephanie said...

When I was prenant with my oldest I went to my first OB appointment and I was around 5 1/2 weeks. Typically they don't see patients until they are 6-8 wks and he was unsure why then had me come so early. Anyway he said typically they do an ultrasound during the first visit but since I wasn't 6 weeks he said that we may see something and we may see nothing. To him that was perfectly normal but he knew for me it would worry me especially being a first time pregnancy. I had to wait 4 weeks:( So when I went back I was over 9 weeks, got the ultrasound and today she's a healthy 6 year old. So hang in there. I know it's tough, especially with all you've been through. Sending positive thoughts your way and hoping these next 2 days go fast!

We have Angel Wings said...

((hugs))

Samantha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Samantha said...

Sending happy thoughts and prayers your way

t.b.f.love. said...

Hi Erin,
I was a nurse in an OB office before I became a SAHM. Our office didn't even do U/Ss until at *least* 6 weeks, and even that was considered early. Things are developing SO rapidly at this point in gestation that even 24 hours can make a difference. What if your embryo implanted 8 hours later than you think it did? 12 hours? Maybe even 24 hours? I think that your U/S is showing just what it should at this point, since the sac is measuring on schedule. I know it's pointless to tell you not to worry, but you do have good news as far as logic and science are concerned, if that helps. Thinking of you, hoping for a wonderful heart beat on Friday.

The Bignon Family said...

I had my first ultrasound at 5 weeks and 3 days (just went back and checked all the details) and saw only a sack. Went back one week later and saw the heartbeat. He is now pulling on my leg mad that I am on the computer! I think that is totally normal at this stage. Good luck Friday!

Tonia said...

Oh Erin, I can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions running through your mind and heart. I pray that God showers you with PEACE. I felt encouraged reading the other peoples' comments so I hope you do too!!! Lay low and just pamper yourself for the next 2 days until the next ultrasound. Know that there are lots of prayers going up for your wonderful little family!!
Tonia

Erin W said...

That's what mien looked like at 5.5 weeks too! I went back at 9w6d and there was a BIG baby in there by then. Praying for you sweet friend! Anxious to see Friday's pics!

Kate said...

Thanks for posting about what's going on. I'm on tenterhooks for you... sometimes I wish we could install windows in our bodies so we can just always check out what's going on in there, no waiting! My thoughts are with you.

Holly said...

I haven't posted before, but I just have to offer you some reassurance! I had an ultrasound at just under 5 weeks (for severe pain) and Nothing, I mean not even a spec, showed on the ultrasound. a week later, baby with a heartbeat and now a healthy 19 month old. I truly believe everything is going to be fine hon!!

Unknown said...

Glad to see there is a sac, thank you for updating!!!!
My oldest took me almost 4 years to get pregnant with. Because my numbers looked good, my OB didn't do ultrasounds early (she will be 17 next month)so 20 weeks was the norm back then. At 8 weeks we still couldn't hear the heartbeat and was told it was too early. 12 weeks, still could not hear a heartbeat, so the dr got out the ultrasound machine...that far along and the dr was silent as we couldn't even find a sac, I was a wreck. He then did a transvaginal and there she was. She had managed to tip my uterus as far back as possible, she had attached so high, she was almost a tubal.

I can't tell you not to worry, Mom's alway worried, your just being a concerned parent...

Jill said...

Thinking about you...

jenn said...

so glad you posted an update....ive been thinking about you!(looks like a lot of people have@!!!) and trust me, we all understand your emotions! but...YOU ARE PREGNANT UNTIL PROVEN NOT.....SO you are pregnant! try not to worry, and enjoy it! (i know its hard to do)big hugs@@@@

Joy@WhenDoesDaddyComeHome said...

Still early to see much! Gestational sac is measuring spot on so that is fantastic. Can't wait to hear about your next sonogram!

A said...

Stumbled up on your blog this week through a friend and feel like God put you on my heart this week! Best wishes, happy thoughts, and deep breaths for a wonderful Friday.

(Also, my word verification is "PreTate", so I now believe you are pregnant and that it's a boy and that you should name him Tate!)

Kelly said...

Erin I do ultrasound. I see this all the time. 5w3d is very early to see a heartbeat. They should really wait until 6 weeks bc any earlier than that just causes TONS of worry! The fact that the gestational sac measures correctly is a very good sign. Your ultrasound picture looks great! There are many different variables as to why sometimes you see a heartbeat or a yolk sac sooner than others. Different ultrasound machines or different areas in the uterus where the embryo implanted really make a difference when talking about something so tiny!

I hope this helps! I know it is hard not to worry about something so important. If you have any more questions feel free to email me :)

I'm super excited for you and can't wait for you to see that little flickering heartbeat!

Kahla said...

Oh honey, I've been there. Thinking that once I saw a heartbeat everything would be ok. The kicker is even after you see that heartbeat you're still going to worry because it's your baby. Like the other says, it looks right on track to me and I think it's just fine. I know that doesn't help though. I'm so glad they are getting you in earlier for the ultrasound, just keep in mind that even when you have it, it may still be too early, but that doesn't mean your baby isn't OK. Sending so many prayers your way!

Once Upon A Time said...

I am so glad you posted. I was thinking about you! After reading the comments, I think it sounds very encouraging that things are just fine. I totally understand your worry though- you've been through so much lately. I'm crossing my fingers that you see exactly what you want to at the u/s!

Amy said...

I am a follower, rare commenter, but I wanted to let you know that my friend had her first ultrasound at 5w5d and her baby was SO tiny that they could barely find it. She didn't see much at all and was pretty nervous, but now she has a super healthy 10 1/2 month old. I am hoping and praying that everything turns out great for you! You've gone through a lot and have been so strong...this will be your miracle baby! :) Big hugs from PA!

~The Neaves Nest~ said...

Praying for your apnt tomorrow.

Patterson Family said...

Hope your appointment went well today!!

Molly @ Me and Madeline said...

Hope the u/s went well! Anxious to hear!

maria lopez said...

Praying!

Stace said...

I don't think I've commented much the past few days... but I have been thinking about you and your perfect healthy baby. Hoping to hear good things from yesterday;s appointment.

Pete, Alison and Charlie said...

Have been thinking of you lots. I have your blog on Google Reader, but I keep checking in anyway, just in case I've somehow missed an update. Really hope yesterday went ok. xxx

Jodi said...

Just checking in for an update from yesterday!!

Rachel Harvey said...

Hoping for an update soon! Praying that everything went well!

Nesha said...

When I was pregnant with my son, I went in for an ultrasound at about 6 weeks. They saw NOTHING, no baby, no sac, nothing. I was devastated. They thought I was miscarrying or had an ectoptic pregnancy. I went back one week later, and I saw my bean, and heard his heartbeat. Wonderful day!!! Good luck to you and your family!!!