I need to take a time out and rave about my husband. Today is the perfect opportunity, because its his birthday! My love is 25 now. Yay for being able to rent a car at a reasonable rate!
Ive always talked highly of my husband on here. We have endured a lot together and our bond is constantly getting stronger. There are days when I stop and say, "Do you have any idea how much I love you?" He always says yes, but I don't think he has any clue.
Tom has been my glue the last week. I got the call from the nurse on Wednesday afternoon. I had to keep it together..for 5 hours! I didn't want to cry in front of the kids. I couldn't talk on the phone because I knew if the tears started, they wouldn't stop. I gave Tom a quick call and told him the news. Then, I just texted him until I got off. He offered to come over, but I knew that I couldn't handle seeing him.
I left work and lost it. Cried harder than I have in my entire life. I got home, with puffy eyes and a runny nose and he just hugged me. He moved the ultrasound pic and note to the side of the fridge, out of direct sight. He changed the background pic on our computer from a newborn on of Trevor to a recent one. Subtle little things..trying to make it easier for me.
I sobbed on and off that night. Sidenote-It amazes me how Trevor knew to be sweet. He was hugging me and very concerned about me. Anyway, Tom kept his head held high, even though I knew he was devastated too. He just rubbed my back, told me it would be okay and never left my side.
He held out hope until our blood draw on Friday. When the results came back, I saw defeat in his eyes. I saw my husband cry. I can count on one hand how many times Ive seen him break down. I felt awful.
Since Friday, Tom has been super husband. Hes constantly checking in with me, telling me we can talk if I want to, leaving our future cycle plans in my hands, etc. He is the definition of supportive. Hes already optimistic about our next cycle, something I am lacking.
I'm just so sad for him. I watched him walk around with this goofy smile for the week we were pregnant. He was going to be a Dad of two. Have two sons, or maybe a daughter! He was glowing, I swear. I feel like I took that joy away from him. That was my birthday gift to him..a baby in my uterus. Now that its gone, I have nothing to give.
TJR-Your birthday is bittersweet this year. Not only because you're halfway to thirty. ;) I love you more today than I did yesterday. Thank you for being my other half and Trevor's father. I promise to get that sparkle back in your eye, whatever it takes. Forever and ever, babe.
At the Auto Show last week, look at those smiles!
**Update since my last pot**