Monday, February 7, 2011

4dp5dt

Today has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Trevor is still sooo sick. He was up tossing and turning and moaning most of the night. I got up at 2am to check him and give him some medicine. I went to work and left him home with Tom. He woke up at 9am with a 103 degree fever. Same routine..tons of medicine..lots of tv watching..minimal eating..popsicles..pacifier to soothe..He took a late morning nap and apparently ate some lunch. Tom dropped him to me on his way to work. He wouldn't let me put him down. He just cried Mama and whined. He took another nap and could barely find the strength to play afterward. He fell asleep in the car on our way home. He ate some dinner and took a bath. He couldn't even read a story with me, he was ready for bed. He has been living with his head resting on my left shoulder for 3 days. We are exhausted. I am really hoping he wakes up feeling better. I think he may be teething too. He has been sticking one of his fingers toward the back the past few days. He screams if I try to peek inside, so why bother?

I am pretty positive this cycle didn't work. I feel nothing. I just know in my gut. And I want to vomit. My booty is bruised and sore. My anxiety level is through the roof.

I have become the woman who cant even get pregnant with major medical assistance. How did I get here? Where do I go from here? I didnt think I could feel any lower than last time, but I was wrong.I want nothing more than to talk to Tom. He wont be home until midnight, so Ill just stew in this sadness until then.

22 comments:

Carol said...

Oh, I hope that little Trevor gets better soon. And,it might be too early to have symptoms. I never had probs with infertility but I never really got symptomatic with my four pregnancies until I was about 6 or 6.5 weeks along. So,I think there's still hope here.

Carly said...

So sorry to hear of your discouraging day. Praying for you, Tom and Trevor this evening.

Stace said...

I'll still be hopeful for you...

And I hope that Trev feels better soon-- I feel so badly for him. That's such a high fever for such a little guy. Hopefully things will start looking up on all fronts.

Erica said...

i'm not sure how early you had symptoms with Trevor but with my first pregnancy I got symptoms at 6 weeks and the second pregnancy I got symptoms at 5 weeks. You are still so early in the pregnancy (I believe you ARE pregnant!!) that it is too early to tell. A lot of women don't even get BFP's until they are 9 plus DPO so I wouldn't rule out anything. Hang in there, I am sorry you are feeling this way and having to feel it alone at the moment.

Angelwingsbaby said...

Aww I hope he feels better soon. Sorry you are feeling so discouraged, but it is really early for symptoms don't give up hope yet hun.Every Pg is different.Thinking of you..((hugs))

Kahla said...

(((Erin))) I think you are just emotional because Trevor is sick and that's hard on him and hard on you. I'm sending prayers for your cutie and prayers for your mental state. I'm keeping everything crossed for you. It's almost harder when IVF works the first time because you just expect it to work the next time and so on. Ten times harder when it doesn't. Hang in there.

Bobbi said...

I hope little Trevor feels better soon. :( And, I'm still holding onto hope for you! You SHOULDN'T feel anything yet. I think that's a good sign, right? Hoping tomorrow is a better day for you and your family. :)

Once Upon A Time said...

So sorry things are so crummy for you right now- it sounds like you are due for some Really Good News. I'm still hopeful for you.

Sick babies are so horrible- I hope Trevor perks up really soon for you too.

Tiffany said...

Sorry Trevor is feeling so poopy, hope he feels better soon. As for you Hun, it is still so early. I am thinking of you.

J said...

I'm sorry. (((hugs)))

I hope Trevor gets better soon and that the time flies so you can be in Tom's arm.

You are in my prayers...I'm praying that it is just too early for you to feel anything.

Mama B said...

I am praying for you all! I am still hopeful for you. You guys deserve all the happiness!

Crossing My Fingers said...

Hope Trev-Dawg gets feeling better soon. Now head up lady, it's not over yet and even if it didn't work, you still have your beautiful baby boy to keep you going.

Amber said...

:(. I'm sorry.

Staci said...

Hang in there! One thing I learned after having 4 babies is that my body reacted differently to each pregnancy and the symptoms all came at different times with different levels of intensity. Don't give up hope yet. I agree with one of the other commenters...you are probably feeling a lot more stress because Trevor is sick right now. When my sister was pregnant with her twins she still didn't feel symptoms right away but when she did they were double what she felt with her first two pregnancies.

Also, about Trevor. Did the dr. mention that he could have a possible sinus infection? I was looking up symptoms of that last night because I think Ruby may have one and when I read your post from Sunday about his symptoms it made me think of that. One of the symptoms is the gunk coming out of the eyes. Also, you mentioned that he is sticking his finger in the back of his mouth. I have thought I needed a root canal twice (both times during a pregnancy ;p ) because the sinuses running along my top jaw right above my teeth were so infected that the severe pain I was having felt like toothpain. If your dr. didn't check for that then maybe it's worth looking into?

Hope you and Trevor both are feeling better soon!

Christa said...

It's still so early - I hope Trevor feels better soon!

Jen said...

I hope and pray Trevor gets better and I hope you find somewhere in your heart to be positive. Being negative is yucky. And every woman and every pregnancy is different. I did not feel any and I mean ANY symptons until I was 10 weeks along. Keep your head held high!

Lori B. said...

I agree with others that it may be too early but you also may not be noticing them as much as you did before. Last time you were pregnant, you did not have a sick baby that you were caring for. Right now, Trevor's health is on the forefront of your mind and rightfully so. Please try to stay positive and know that many prayers are coming your way!!

Amber said...

Poor Trevor! Hope he is feeling better soon. I think this is going around - I've had a fever for the past 36 hours and read the same thing on another blog.

Don't give up yet. When is your test day?

Jen said...

Oh Erin... I wish things would turn aruond for Trevor! I can't remember if you've had him into the clinic yet but if he keeps up with a fever maybe have them run a strep test? It's hitting MN hard right now and with him putting his fingers in the back of his mouth maybe his throat hurts? I know how hard it is when they're sick... you're probably sleep deprived and would do anything to make him better!! As far as symptoms go... I have heard from lots of other mamas that they felt way more symptoms with their first pregnancy than their second. So maybe too early yet? I know you are probably incredinly in tune with your body so that makes it tough when you aren't feel much. But I have no doubt your focus is on your little man right now so maybe you aren't picking up on some faint ones right now? I have hope for you!! Take care!!

Sue said...

Hang in there. Think positive!

We are all pulling for you and the babies.

Did you say you are doing a home test Thursday?? I can't believe how nervous I am for you!

Fingers are crossed and I am praying hard. :)

Kalle said...

it's so hard to be positive when the little ones are sick. I hope Trevor starts to feel better soon. I'm hopeful for you. Prays to you and the family

Joy@WhenDoesDaddyComeHome said...

Is today your test day?

I am so sorry to hear baby boy is sick!!! I hate it when kids are sick, especially the littler ones who can't tell you what is wrong.

The cycles I don't feel pregnant are the ones that I am. But the cycles I swear up and down I have every symptom in the book are the ones I'm not. Don't be discouraged!