Thursday, October 7, 2010

Terrible Week

Ive typed the first sentence of this post fifteen times and nothing seems right. Type, erase. Type, erase. I don't know where to start so here it goes.

It appears I am having a miscarriage. Tuesday evening, I started bleeding. I was almost a week late on my period, which I didn't think twice about. My last cycle was over 60 days, so I was relieved to have a shorter one. I had just arrived to babysit and grabbed one of her tampons to hold me over until I went home. I started to have terrible cramps. The worst I have ever had in my life. Thankfully the kids went to bed early and I just sat on the chair watching TV, in excruciating pain. I got up a few minutes before they arrived to see that I had bled through the tampon, through my panties and through my jeans! It was bright red, not like a period. I covered it up while leaving and rushed home. I scrubbed my jeans, replaced the tampon, put a pad in my undies and went to bed. I woke up a few hours later soaked again. I couldn't fall asleep the cramps were so bad. I woke up and felt horrible. All day yesterday, I bled like crazy. The entire time, it has been bright red and a few times there were little pieces. I felt nauseous in the afternoon. I was just miserable.

I finally called the doctor today, the new gyno I went to last week. I spoke with the nurse and told her what was going on. She said it could be a very heavy period(I know my body and there is not a chance this is it) or a miscarriage. They didn't seem very concerned. I guess because miscarriages are fairly common..?

Anyway, I am still bleeding like crazy. I bled through again last night. The cramps are a bit better, but I'm still taking medicine to keep the pain away.

I'm trying to pretend this isn't happening and stay focused on our RE appt on Saturday. This is, if I call tomorrow and our referral was processed. If its not and I have to change the appt, Ill be even more heartbroken.

I don't know why I'm not freaking out right now. Because I never saw a positive pregnancy test? Because I'm a little bit happy to think that we can get pregnant on our own? I don't really know what to say. I am going to pretend this is a normal period and not think about it. Or at least try.

28 comments:

Livin' on love! said...

I can only imagine what you're going through!I'm so sorry! I'll be thinking and praying for you, Tom and trevor. I hope you figure everything out!

Mandy said...

I am so very sorry for you. I once went through a very early miscarriage and it was still very horrible. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Stephanie said...

I never had heavy heavy periods either until after my fourth was born. Now that I've had Allie they are unlike anything I've ever had. Heavy and bleeding through almost every hour if not then two and very painful!

I'm praying that it's just a heavy period and nothing else - thinking of you!

Nikki said...

I have never commented before but have been following for some time. Praying for you. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. Hoping for good news tomorrow for you and Tom.

Bobbi said...

Wow! I'm so sorry. :( I hope the fact that you didn't see a positive HPT will help you through this process a little more. After all, like you said, it could just be a really bad period. Not to take light away from your situation, but I had a period last year, or so, where I was in the worst pain ever. I soaked through tampon after tampon, through pads, nothing held it all in. There were tons of huge clots, and I thought, "Hmmm, this is weird." I talked to my gyno and she said it could've just been a bad period, or like your gyno told you, a miscarriage. I didn't think twice about it being a miscarriage because it happened at just the time I was going to start my period. You writing this is making me second guess what happened. But yes, focus on the good...if this is a miscarriage, that means you are capable of getting pregnant on your own. That's huge!!! Prayers and hugs going your way!

prettybyrdie said...

I'm so sorry! If it's any encouragement, I had some really heavy/prolonged bleeding this summer, but I'm positive that I was never pregnant; I took tests periodically to make sure. Like you I had a baby last Nov. and have never had that kind of bleeding in my life. I think it was actually a hormonal imbalance brought on by stress. Either way, I will pray for you this week.

Christen said...

My first period after having my daughter was like that. AF didn't show up right after birth because of nursing, but after 9 months AF was back and she was PISSED. So hopefully this is just a heavy period....can you take a HPT??

Melissa said...

Won't go into gory details, but I've been through and am going through what you are now. I had the same issues 2.5 years ago and still swear I had a miscarriage - I'm having the same issues now, but know it's not a miscarriage because I've been in and our of the ob's office trying to figure out what's going on.

Y'all are in my prayers - and I hope that things get easier on you!

Alyssa said...

I am so sorry :(

Nicole said...

Oh Erin! I am sooooo sorry! What a strange emotional place to be in (happy about getting pregnant on your own, confused about what is really going on, and sad about the likely m/c). I m/c after my first IVF and it was like that- I was in excructiating pain and I was soaking through a super tampon, my undies, and my pants every two hours. I ran out of tampons (I was out of town, driving home from Cali actually- ugh, bad timing) and so was using pads, which is how I ended up seeing IT when I passed it on day 2. Looked like a huge clot basically; so keep an eye out if you want to know. Don't if you don't.
Anway, I'm so sorry. M/C was horrible physically and evenworse emotionally. I wonder what the RE will say about it at your appt. Maybe it was jsut a last hoorah of whacky post-partum menstrual cycles before you normalize a little more now...? Regardless, I'm so sorry.

J said...

Oh darling...how terrible! In one hand, I'm thrilled of the chance that you and Tom can conceive naturally but heartbroken for your possible loss. I think it's best to pretend it is just a heavy period because you will never know and no reason to be grieving over this.

Sending lots of love and hugs! xoxoxo

Mush said...

If it is a miscarriage then yes it is horrible but try to think positively, like you said that you might get pregnant on your own. It sounds like you body is having a very good clear out leaving it all nice and ready for a baby number 2. Happy thoughts honey xxx

Amber said...

I'm so sorry. I agree with one of the previous posters. My first few periods after my son were horrible! I hope you get some answers soon and feel better! Take care!

Laura said...

I thought that I had heavy periods before my kids were born but after they were born they completely changed. When I do have one of the heavy, heavy, heavy cycles I am bleeding through a tampon and pad almost every hour and passing huge clots. I sometime just sit in the bathroom trying not to throw up from the pain and everything that is going on. It ususally only lasts a few days. I hope that is all it is! It is amazing how our bodies can change after little ones! Hope your RE appointment goes well

Mrs.Joe said...

What a strange place to walk through - I hope that this passes soon and you remain at peace with it. Thinking of you!

Erin said...

I am so sorry. I am thinking of you, Tom and Trevor. I am hoping to hear good news from the RE tomorrow.

Jill said...

This stinks, but stay positive. You're able to get pregnant on your own and that's great news! I'm so sorry that this is all happening like this though...

Laura said...

Oh Erin! Praying for ya!

Ashley said...

I am so sorry! :(

Melissa said...

i am so sorry for what you are going through. praying for you

Stace said...

I've read this post a few times already and started comments... but I didn't know what to say. I know it must be such a jumble of emotions. I hope if nothing else, the FET meeting brings you some hope. :)

Isaac Dakota said...

I just wanted to share that I have a group of moms who all went through childbirth around the same time. Two of us got super heavy periods when our periods came back and they have been heavier and different since before childbirth. The third friend thought that she was going to luck out because her first one was light but that wasn't the case. Her others after that were just as heavy as ours. Since you haven't had too many since giving birth it could be just that your body is trying to regulate yourself. Did you take any HPT's since your light one? Did the doctor's office do a test? I know mine did when I first went to them just to rule it out.

twondra said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry! I can't even imagine. Sending you guys so many hugs right now. (((HUGS)))

Jill said...

Erin - if it makes you feel any better, since you are still breastfeeding this can be completely normal! I was still BFing my second when my periods returned and they were HEAVY and I mean ultra heavy will lots of clotting. Praying for you - maybe you can go get your hcg levels checked just to be certain and give you some peace of mind.

Mama Dub said...

I agree with Jill. The first period you have after beast feeding is UNREAL! Painful and tons of bleeding. My sister in law has gone through it. I'm quite certain that it's not a m/c but my prayers are still with you. Can't wait to hear about your appointment!

MacKenzie said...

Erin, I am so sorry your going through this! When our first son was 10 months I had a positive pregnancy test and 5 days later had a miscarriage. (We were on a cruise and had to get off in jamacia to make sure I wasn't having an ectopic pregnacy or anything.) When we got back to the states I called my doctor and I had had what is reffered to as a chemical pregnancy, a really early miscarriage... I found out I was pregnant at like 3 weeks so who knows if it was really an viable pregnancy.. i guess thats why they call it a chemcial pregnancy. It was heartbreaking for me at the time. Three months later I got pregnant with our second son who is now almost 11 months and I cannot imagine my life without him!

Momma Wilson said...

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I never had periods (without meds) until 10 months after my son was born. And now ever 30 some odd days, I bleed like crazy. I soak my bedsheets, I cramp, and I'm miserable. It got so bad that my doctor prescribed a medication to control the bleeding and cramps that I have to take as soon as my period starts for day or two. I hope this helps you!

Sarah said...

Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. Do you have any answers? Thinking of you!