Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Terrible News

I cant believe I have to post this..my sister is bleeding again. She is pretty sure she is miscarrying. She goes on Thursday for her first and possibly last OB appointment. My heart is in a million pieces. Last time was supposed to be a fluke. It wasn't supposed to happen again. All she wants is to complete their family, have a 4th child. Why is it so hard?

I have no idea what to do. Last time, I gave her a card and flowers. I told her how hard it was to be the sister on the other side. Do I give flowers again? Another card? Do I offer to take the kids for a day so her and my brother in law can mourn? Do I simply hug her and let her cry? No, no, then Id cry. How do I deal with these feelings of loss? I love that baby and always will. I am trying so hard to imagine how she feels, but its impossible to. Ive never had a loss like her.

How do I deal with trying for another baby? Who can I call to talk about it? Do I keep her closed off or include her in the details? I cant believe this is happening. I just cant believe it.

I'm going to give this angel extra snuggles tonight. He is a miracle; my miracle. I pray my sister witnesses a miracle on Thursday and sees that little flicker of a strong baby. Please, please!


Oh, forgot to mention. Tomorrow is her birthday. Boo!

22 comments:

Nicole said...

Oh my goodness. I've been through pregnancy loss (after IVF #1) and it is ROUGH to say the least. There isn't anything to say, so just cry with her.
But I really hope that this isn't the end to this pregnancy for her. Having followed a lot of pregnancies on these blogs, LOTS of ladies spotted (some lots and throughout the whole first tri) and are still doing well. Have her call her doc and try to get in tomorrow instead of Thursday! All she'll have to say is that she's pregnant and bleeding and they should get her right in. Keep us up to date.

Oh, and wait until you see what the result will be before you worry about how to include her in your FET plans. With the glimpses of your relationship I've gotten from this blog, I would think she would still like to be involved. But... dunno.

Amber said...

I saw the title of this blog post and just knew it was about your poor sister. I'm so sorry! I can't imagine the pain and confusion. Tons of prayers sent your way. I also think watching the kids for her to give her time to mourn sounds like a good idea. Sounds like you are a great shoulder for her to cry on.

aleelavine said...

What horrible news... I didn't know anything about this as I just started following your blog, but... it's heartbreaking. I cannot imagine the pain she must be feeling..but hopefully things will turn out alright!!!

Angelwingsbaby said...

I bleeed with nanner I mean a lot! And it turned out to be a hematoma.You might remember that.I was on bedrest and extra PIO because of it I was so scared but in the end he is here and wonderful.Praying it turns out alright.Hugs

The Thai Family said...

I had lots of bleeding in my first trimesters with all my babies and they are fine and healthy. I'm surprised her OB isn't willing to check her beta levels and do an ultrasound to determine if the baby is positioned correctly (not in her tube). I had many u/s early in pregnancy due to bleeding as a precaution and my beta levels were checked. My progesterone was low 2 out of the 3 times too. All these things I would think they'd want to check. I hope all turns out okay for her! On another note I don't think she'd want you to keep all your goals of getting pregnant again hidden from her. She's your sister she will love you and support you.

Sweet Southern Love said...

Praying for your sister and your family as well. Hopefully she will get some good news!

Jessica said...

I've had four miscarriages and know how painful it is... I am praying that your sister is just having some bleeding (I had with both of my healthy pregnancies too!) and that everything will be perfect on the u/s on Thursday. If it comes to it, don't keep your TTC plans from her when the time comes. She'll be more sad and hurt that you excluded her. I think offering to take the kids is an amazing idea, and just give her a shoulder to cry on. Again, many prayers that everything turns out OK!

Beth said...

During my pregnancy with my son (now 2), I gushed blood (twice). I was convinced I was miscarrying, and thank the Lord, all was well. Some women can spot, others can bleed large amounts in the first trimester. I pray/hope that that is what is happening to your sister -- that baby is still in there and thriving.

What you can do: cry with her, hug her, just be there for her/with her. I also think offering to take the kids is a wonderful idea.

Keep us posted! Perhaps, when the time is right (and God forbid if things don't turn out well) maybe you could refer her to your infertility specialist. I've introduced a lot of struggling couples to my group of infertility specialists.

Staci said...

With my last pregnancy I found out during my first trimester screening that I had a slight subchorionic hemmorhage. The ultrasound tech and my doctor asked me if I had experienced any bleeding and I didn't. I had friends though that said they had one too and they did experience bleeding as their hemmorhage was "going away". The research I did about them also said that bleeding can occur as the clot dissolves (or whatever it does). I hope that is all your sister is experiencing and not a miscarriage. Praying for her.

Stephanie said...

Just let her cry, even if it means you cry too. Just be there for her. Ask her if she would like you to take the kids for a little while, or just be there with her. Let her be in control.
I'm sure she will still want to be involved in all of your decisions, just have your guard on for a little while.
Praying tomorrow will be a good day for her. Praying for a miracle.

Jenn said...

So sad for you sis. I have been through 2 miscarriages with plenty of people not knowing what to do or say. My favorite little thing I got was a dozen cookies from a local bakery from my best friend. She didn't call or let me know she was coming and she just rang the doorbell and left them on my porch. It was nice because I knew she was thinking of me, but understood why I wanted to be left alone. And you do want to be left alone for at least the first few days. You are feeling yucky, have terrible cramps, are hungry all the time and EVERY TIME you go to the bathroom, you are reminded of the terrible thing that happened to you. But, I didn't want people to not talk babies with me. It is my favorite subject, so after about two weeks, I casually brought it up to my friend because she didn't know what I wanted to talk about. I am sure your sis will do the same, and she will appreciate any gesture you extend her way! (Sorry so long!)

Lauren said...

I'm so sorry that your sister is having to go through this. I've been through it and it never gets any easier.

The best advice I can give you is to just be there for her. Let her cry if she needs to cry. Let her talk if she needs to talk. Never tell her that it's God will (even though it is)... it just doesn't make it any better. Tell her you are sorry and that you love her. Hug her lots. Do whatever you can think of to make it easier for her.

When it comes to you TTC'ing, don't hide it from her. It'll only make her seem like an outsider. Just be gracious. While it might seem easier just to keep her "out of the loop" so to speak, it is heartbreaking to not be included. When I had my miscarriage, no one would speak to me, especially those who were actively TTC or newly pregnant. They didn't want to hurt my feelings, but I felt secluded and that only made things worse.

I'm praying for her and for you.

Momma and Her Doodle said...

The best part of having a sister is knowing no matter what you are there for her, hug her bith of you cry. Live in the moment and let her know how much you love and care for her.

Mush said...

Thinking of you, hope it's good news xxx

So many questions but I don't have any answers. All I can say is you will know in your heart what is the right thing to do for her. xxx

Rachel said...

I agree with the others who are talking about a subchorionic hematoma. I had this when I was 8 weeks pregnant. I woke up saturated in blood... and I mean LOTS of blood. I sat on the potty and even more came out, like the heavy flow of a period. I thought FOR SURE it was the end. Well, it was a hematoma, and the baby was fine. I am now 18 weeks pregnant and have had no more problems.

I think if she was miscarrying that she wouldn't have had two separate bleeds this far apart. It would have happened already. This sounds more like a hematoma.

In any event, I am praying like crazy for your sister. Hope everything is ok!

twondra said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I will definitely be thinking of you guys.

As the sister of my sister who was expecting, my advice would be to talk to your sister about how much she wants to know. My sister did that and it really touched me. It made me realize how much she loved me. And I could be completely honest with her when it was just too much.

The fact that you're asking how to handle it shows what a special sister you are.

Stace said...

I'm hoping and praying for her! I really hope things go great, but if they don't, I'm sure you will be there for her. My only advice is that, if things do go badly for her, don't hide your happiness when good things happen to you. After we lost Connor we had a family member who got pregnant really shortly after. We were never told... until we saw her at Christmas- 6 months pregnant. It was the worst feeling to feel so excluded and ignored... now, I know that you would never keep a 6 month pregnancy from her, but the idea is the same. Being kept out of the loop hurts, even when someone is trying to "protect" you. That being said, I really, really am praying for her.

Mush said...

Any news? x

Jessica@The Southern Belle Baby said...

Your poor sister. I hate this for her. I will say a prayer that everything is okay!

As far as what you should do, I would give her some time before talking about TTC again. It's hard because you want to share this with her, but at the same time, her heart is probably in a million pieces right about now.

Kriss said...

I was just thinking about your sister. I hope all is well with her and the baby. Update us when you can.

beth ewing said...

i'm so sorry. i'll be praying all is well but i'm sure just the stress of thinking it is happening again is alot. i know after my miscarriage, i was a wreck the next pregnancy (my precious keaton) b/c i was so worried it would happen again.

Mommato2miracles said...

Just stumbled upon your blog today, and am brought to to tears by your sisters news. You see I had a miscarriage at 14wks and then my second pregnancy started bleeding the day after the +test. The doctor's exact word were "well your going to miscarry and there isn't really anything we can do about it, and so you should just move on." I was absolutely devastated. I went to a much better doctor who put me on bedrest for two weeks. I am happy to say that Samuel (meaning God hears ) is almost four years old. I bled for the first 17wks of the pregnancy, sometimes as much as hemorrhaging with blood clots etc. And here my little baby is getting ready to go to preschool! I pray that that is the case for your sister too, that she will be holding her little miracle at this time next year....and in case the baby does go to heaven to be with Jesus, just be there, you can be a shoulder for her to cry on, someone her to yell and scream and say why with, and then let her decide if she wants to be a part of your TTC piece.Hugs to both of you