My younger brother turns 18 today. I am officially old.
His birthday means one thing, MAY is almost here. I have always liked the month of May. There are fun celebrations and this year it is over the top! We have..Mothers Day, our Anniversary(that came fast!), my sisters birthday, my brothers birthday, Memorial Day, my brothers high school graduation and party, my sister in laws school play, weekends in Wisconsin..etc.
Once we considered the ridiculous amount of graduations, weddings, showers, and parties we have to attend this year, we decided to not go on a vacation. At least not a big one. We may plan a road trip last minute, but for now, I am content with our summer plans. We want to go somewhere when the baby is a month or two old. My friend Heather that works for Southwest said she would give a pink pass as a shower gift. Woo-hoo! Plus, we do our bi-annual family trip to Disney. One year ago, today, was our first day of our trip. Therefore, next year..likely in May, our growing family..which will consist of 15, will embark on another priceless trip to beautiful Florida. Our 5 year anniversary will be one year after that trip. We promised eachother we would take a trip to Hawaii to celebrate. I cant wait, only 2 years to go!
I am trying to figure out whether we will have another baby on the way at that time. If we do not get pregnant on our own, we will have enough time for 2 rounds of IVF/FET between when Peanut turns 1 and our trip. I think we can make it happen. I cant help it, I was born a planner!
I submited my order to rent a fetal doppler yesterday. I think it will grant me peace of mind on days I wonder if there is anything in there. Its a monthly fee, so well see if I renew it for June. Tomorrow is my second OB appointment. Delaney will be joining us, so she can hear her cousins heartbeat. She has been talking about it for weeks. I wish we had an ultrasound so she could see the babe, but I dont think we get another of those with the OB until 20 weeks. I plan on asking tomorrow.
Ironically enough, I feel my wardrobe has grown since becoming pregnant. You see, I hadnt been wearing a lot of my clothes while doing IF treatments. I was very sensitive about the extra weight I put on, and wasnt wearing anything cropped or too tight. Now, I am able to wear all of these shirts, because I am supposed to have a little padding there. Pants are a different story..
Tom has been swamped with homework lately. I am ready for him to be done with this semester. I want my husband back! AND I want him to go get me a hot fudge sundae when I crave it, instead of using the homework as an excuse. :)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
My younger brother turns 18 today. I am officially old.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Uncle Tom and Auntie Erin
How far along? 12 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Down 1 pound
Maternity clothes? Tank tops, so my boobs can fit
Stretch marks? Stay away...
Sleep: Some nights its great, others its horrible
Movement: We have a jumping bean, but cant feel it yet
Food cravings: Pickles!!
Labor Signs: Nope
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Deli meat
What I am looking forward to: For the first time in years, Mothers Day
Weekly Wisdom: Embrace your growing body, it is beautiful
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
There it is again
You can see the mouth and nose here
Lounging with an arm and leg
The point of the ultrasound was to compare the measurements with the results from my blood work a week or so ago. With the NT scan, they are looking for chromosomal abnormalities, mainly Down Syndrome and Trisomy. The doctor said my age alone brought my chances for Downs a ton. Once he factored in the results, he said my chances wouldn't even belong on a standard graph, they were too low. I liked hearing that! He also said our chances for Trisomy are 1 in <10,000.
He invited us back for a 2nd tri anatomy screening in 8 weeks. Guess when that falls..? The Friday before Fathers Day! Our plan has always been to tell our families the sex as a surprise on Fathers Day. So, we told them they couldn't schedule the ultrasound until the Friday after Fathers Day. Plus, I'm so glad its right beforehand, because I doubt I could keep it a secret much longer. I think we are going to get it on a cake and do it that way. Id be open to other suggestions if you have any..?
It still amazes me how much my life has changed in 2 short months. While struggling with infertility, there was a list of horrible days I would never want to re-live. Now, my life consists of days filled with memories I will cherish the rest of my life. Days I have been dreaming of for years. And its really happening..really.
I am 12 weeks today. I will take some good pictures tomorrow at Tyler's baptism.
There is so much more I want to say, but Tom has to hop on to do some homework. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Dear Peanut-Today you are 11 weeks, 3 days old. It feels like yesterday, we found you you were growing inside me. Almost 2 months have passed and they have been nothing short of heavenly. I love walking around with my hand on my tummy, knowing you are growing every minute. I will keep you safe and warm until it is time for you to join our family!
Last night I had my first dream about you. You arrived a few weeks early, but were perfect. Surprise, you were a girl! You had your Daddys green eyes and light brown hair. You were a teeny little beauty that I couldnt stop kissing. After leaving the hospital, we went out for pizza with the entire family, to celebrate your birth. It was an amazing dream; the most special dream I have ever had. Peanut, was it true? Are you a girl? Do you have Daddys green eyes? I cant wait to find out!
We love you and cant wait to see you on Friday.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Here is the temporary belly shot. Tommy has been at our house getting it ready to put on the market. So, no good pictures yet. Ill be sure to take some tomorrow. For the time being, here is a mirror pic of me. Yes, I know its huge. Everyone said I would get big early..they were right.
Please excuse the dirty mirror. I cleaned it after this was taken. :)
Total weight gain/loss:
Maternity clothes? Nope
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: Much to my surprise, -2 lbs
Best moment this week: Last PIO injection on Wednesday
Movement: Too early for that
Food cravings: Nothing major this week
Gender: Still feel girl, but for the first time, had boy thoughts
Labor Signs: Nope
Belly Button in or out? Innie
What I miss: I'll admit, I would have enjoyed a beer while out last night
What I am looking forward to: End of first tri
Weekly Wisdom: Stop browsing baby sections until we know the sex!
Milestones: Friends loved on my belly for the first time :)
I feel like I am in an odd place both physically and mentally. I never thought Id be one who had body issues while pregnant, but its happening. I have been thin my entire life and don't know any different. I am scared I will gain weight everywhere and not just in my stomach. Plus, I had my belly button pierced on the top and bottom(cute at the time, but dumb teenager!) so, I have scars. I am scared as I grow the scars will look more disgusting than they do now. Thus why I haven't taken any straight on belly shots yet. I have been self-conscious my entire life and am adjusting to dealing with these issues.
As far as the mental "rut" goes, I don't know where I belong. I still cringe at pregnant bellies when we are out. I feel like I fit in with infertile people more than with expecting women. Tom thinks its weird that I still refer to myself as infertile. But I am. I am a pregnant infertile. I told him infertility really did a number on me. I will never be the same innocent and naive woman I was at age 20. It forced me to grow up and make huge decisions and ask questions I never imagined. I know I am a better person today because of it, but goodess, we really went to hell and back. That leaves me with this question-If in some dream world, I was able to choose between going through the struggle we did or get pregnant easily, what would I choose?
To be answered another day..
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Onto the cat story. It seems most IF bloggers are major animal lovers, like myself. Ill warn you, its a depressing story..
So, Friday night I am home alone. Tom left 10 minutes earlier to go to the White Sox game. I hear an odd noise and wonder what it is. I go upstairs to find one of the family cats-Figarro, lying on his side and not looking good. I kneel down to asses him. He is breathing funny, not moving and seems to be in pain. I immediatley new there was something terribly wrong. I call the local vet and the girl on the phone completely freaks me out. She asked if he has "open-mouth" breathing. I said yes, his tounge is out a little bit. She said I should get him to the emergency vet as soon as possible. I am trying to stay calm and drive him to the clinic. I called my parents, who were in Wisconsin, on the way. They said to do whatever necessary to see whats wrong with him.
I arrive at the clinic and Fig is whisked out of my arms. I sign a piece of paper stating that it will cost $400-$800 for him to be seen. Holy cow, but okay. I sit and wait and about 10 minutes later am taken into a room. The vet comes in to explain that he has a blocked urethra, which is fairly common for male cats. He was not urinating, so all the bacteria was staying inside his body. She goes on to explain a procedure that would be done. It seemed simple..a cathedar to open the area and some pain meds. She said he will need to stay for observation for 2-3 days.
She leaves and sends in an assistant with the estimate. You wont believe this-$1800-$2400! I am shocked and call my mom to find out what she wants me to do. The only alternate to this would be to put him to sleep. He is only 6 years old and otherwise healthy, so that was out of the question. I cringed as I signed the paper and had to leave a 75% deposit for them to start the meds. They said to expect a call the next day and no news is good news. I go home relieved he didnt die in my arms, but sad for my poor Figgy.
Saturday morning they called while we were at the hunt. They left a message saying everything was going well and our current total was already at $1500.00. A few hours later, I got the bad phone call. The vet said he seemed to have a pretty bad blockage. Most cats will start urinating with the help of the cathedar, often with a bit of blood. Unfortunatley, Figarro's urine was almost entirely blood. She started rambling about blood transfusions and intubation and I could barely catch my breath. Of course, thrown in there was the monetary amount of $4,000+. She stopped and said we should just come in and talk more there.
Tom, myself and my Mom went to the clinic. We went to the ICU to see him and it was depressing. I couldnt hold in tears. My sweet, lovable kitty that was fine 2 days ago, is laying here, not moving, and bleeding from the inside. *Okay, I am getting chocked up just typing about it* I pet him and told him I loved him and Goodbye. It was so overwhelming.
The vet came in and again explained what may need to be done to save him. I told her I wanted her to be blunt with us and agree that he likely wouldnt live even if he had the transfusion. She totally agreed and said it was an all around crappy situation. Even if he responded well, this entire ordeal could happen in a month from now. We agreed that he should be put to sleep and sent to a better place.
We signed the papers to end his short life and sadly left the clinic. To keep our poor guy alive for less than 24 hours, it cost my parents $1,600.
I know I keep mentioning the cost of this. It is because I cant imagine how many pets had to be put down due to the cost of care. People simply cant afford thousands of dollars in pet medical bills when they have homes, children, other expenses. Again, its just an all around crappy situation.
So, now you know why I could have used a glass of wine on Saturday night. Hell, I could have used a bottle. I really hope no one human passes away while I am pregnant. I dont know if my hormonal butt can handle it. :/
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tyler slipping away..
After that, my mom came and we switched Tyler, who needed a nap, for my almost 10-year old nephew, Mikey. The park district arranged egg hunts for the kids in the baseball field outside. Delaney went first. She was awesome! Brady went second and got a lot of eggs. Mikey went last and was determined to get a golden egg. They only had 3 or 4 per age group and if you found one, you traded it for a big jelly bean prize. A kid ran right in front of Mikey on Go! and he got a little thrown off. He ended up with an empty bucket, but got over it quickly. I absolutley love doing activities with just the kids. We have yearly traditions of places we go and I still find it hard to believe there will be another baby next year-and it will be ours. Ahh!!
Tomtom and the kiddos
..Insert kitty drama here all afternoon. Skipping over..
My parents treated us to dinner at Maggianos, as a congrats on the babe. Boy, was it yummy! We had such a great time. Then, we went downtown to the Rescue Me Comedy Tour. Oh My Goodness, it was beyond hilarious. It consisted of Denis Leary and 3 other actors/comedians, all of which were too funny. I couldnt believe half the things he said. It was almost 3 hours and worth every penny!
Sunday I woke up feeling horrible. It felt like someone hit me in the head with a hammer. I got up, puked, drank some caffeine, took some Tylonel and layed back down. I would have stayed in bed if it hadnt been Easter. I planned on wearing this pretty dress and taking lots of pictures that day, but felt so crappy, it didnt happen. We drove up to the new cottage in Wisconsin, where the rest of the family was. It takes a little over an hour to get there, and luckily I felt better by the time we arrived.
Tommy and I hadnt seen the cottage since January 1st, so we were pleasantly surprised at how large and beautiful the new house is. It is like night and day compared to what we had before. There is a lot of work that needs to be done still, particularly organizing. It looks great though; surpassed my expectations and then some.
We gave the kiddos their baskets and were surprised with baskets for our Peanut. My sister stuck with a bath theme and my parents did a Baby Einstein theme. This baby is spoiled already! We lounged around the house, played Wii, made decorating plans and then went to lunch at the Country Club we used to eat at when we were little. It was delicious! We returned to the house and played endless amounts of Deal or No Deal on Wii. SO much fun! We left pretty late and poor Tom had homework to do, as usual.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I am so behind, its not even funny. I have a weekend post coming, a sad cat story, as well as an infertility post I have been wanting to write. For now, here is my 10 week post...3 days late.
How far along? 10 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Even with pre-pregnancy
Maternity clothes? Bought two tanks last week, havent worn anything yet
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: Most nights its great. I have come to love sleeping on my stomach
Best moment this week: Starting to feel better-come on second trimester
Movement: Anxious to feel it
Food cravings: Cheesecake, chocolate
Gender: Girl, Girl, Girl
Labor Signs: Nah
Belly Button in or out? Innie
What I miss: I would have loved a glass of wine to wash my Saturday afternoon away
What I am looking forward to: NT Scan next Friday
Weekly Wisdom: Try not to "rush" the pregnancy. I want to be farther along, but am enjoying every day
Milestones: I feel like 10 weeks is huge
The following is a conversation I had yesterday with my fertility clinics billing office.
Me: Hi, I had a question on my bill I was hoping you could answer.
FCI: Sure, what is it?
Me: I have my last bill and dont see the payment I made reflected on the new bill.
FCI:Okay, let me see. It looks like you zeroed out the amount for that specific charge, so its taken off the following bill. What you see on your new bill is correct.
Me: Okay, that makes sense. Do you have the ability to check if my insurance has been billed for my IVF cycle yet?
FCI: No problem, when was it?
Me: Well, retreival was Valentines Day...
FCI: Thats all I need to know. It looks like your insurance has paid the bill.
Me: Okay, so I should get my bill in the mail soon?
FCI: No, everything was paid so there is no bill.
Me: (Confused) Hmm..could you double check that? I was expecting to get a bill for about $5,000. How could I owe nothing?
FCI: Yeah, I see by your grand total why you would think that. Aetna can be screwy and bill some labs and ultrasounds as medical. Its better for you.
Me: (Still in disbelief) Okay, so everything with my IVF cycle has been paid?
FCI: Well, there are a few items that havent been billed yet. It looks like March 2nd, 4th, etc.
Me: That is bloodwork and a few ultrasounds. So, that shouldnt be much. Everything will be sent through you guys?
Me: Okay, wow. Well, thanks for making my Monday so great!
FCI: Youre welcome.
I really cant believe it. This is truly life changing. I thought Tom and I would have a lot of debt when the baby came along. Instead, we will be able to pay everything off right away. Dont get me wrong, this IVF cycle did cost us a lot. The money spent on infertility before IVF is ridiculous. We will never get that money back, but WHO CARES. In return, we will get to kiss 10 piggies and sing lullabys to our little peanut. A small price to pay, if you ask me. :)
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thank you all so much for your feedback on the names! I'm sorry for the confusion with the middle names. I guess I didn't need to write it twice..
It looks like Hadley and Lileigh are your faves. In fact, they are my faves also. The boys names were pretty equal. I guess I'll stop worrying about names until we find out the sex. I really do appreciate the response!
Speaking of appreciate, have I mentioned I love this blog? I have received so many personal emails lately. Some giving advice, some wishing congratulations, some offering goodies. One woman wants to make me burp cloths as well as a bow holder if(when) we find out its a girl. She also said she would make us birth announcements for next to nothing. Honestly, what have I done to deserve this outpouring of love? You ladies really know how to make a girl blush.
Here is Kelly's site. http://www.yourlifelongmemories.com/ She has some beautiful announcements. I don't know how I will choose. Oh, I almost forgot to mention I got another baby gift via the mail from another blogger friend. Meagan-Thanks hun! I cant wait to dress the peanut in his/her ducky outfit!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Tommy and I have had a name list for as long as I can remember. We have added names, as well as taken them off when we felt the need. Its so funny to me that now we actually have something to name and I dont feel like I am in love with any of them.
We like unique names that arent too crazy. We also want meaningful middle names. Here is what we have come up with...
1. Hadley May-May for the month we were married in. Also, for Fern, the 101 yr. old who passed away during my IVF cycle. May was her middle name.
2. Kedzie Jeralyn-Jeralyn is my sisters name.
3. Lileigh(pronounced Lily) Ireland-Ireland after me, since Erin=Ireland
Boys:<~~Still dont think we will need these
1. Nolan Gregory-Gregory is Toms dads name
2. Colin ______-no middle name set yet
3. Gavin _____-again, no middle name set
4. Thomas John-This, of course, is Toms full name. However, I dont think we would use it for the first born. We feel that is too cliche.
You see how all the names end the same and kind of rhyme? -Ey, -Ie, and -Eigh all sound the same. -An and -In sound the same. Therefore, we could only use one from the list and couldnt save any for future peaunts. I dont want my kids to have rhyming names. Plus, my family is huge on nicknames, so we hope our choice has lots of options.
Anyway, I know I am picky and I know we have some good choices. I am open to more suggestions. I love really Irish names, like Maura, Colin, Maeve, etc. but I havent gotten Tom on board for any, other than Colin.
I feel like I am letting you guys in on a big secret. I planned on keeping the baby's name under wraps. However, you have been so helpful and supportive thus far, I knew this is one subject youd enjoy giving your input. :) So come on, be brutally honest, what do you think?
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
This is one of our all-time favorite shows. It has been on a hiatus for over a year. Needless to say, we have been looking forward to it coming back for a long time. Plus, we are going to see the star, Denis Leary, at the Chicago Theatre on Saturday. I am really looking forward to it!
I made my second OB appointment as well as the NT scan. I love making plans to see/hear our baby. My OB is connected to a wellness center. They offer tons of services there-exercise classes, a nutritionist, estheticians, lactation consultants, etc. I signed for for a free trial at the prenatal yoga class next Monday. I love yoga but haven't done it in about 6 months. If I love it, I can pay weekly or buy a package. I really want to keep in shape so I have a smooth delivery. I have also heard of a prenatal aquacise class. I am going to try to find out more info on that.
There have been some changes in symptoms. My boobs are still big but much less sore. My upper back has been hurting the past few days. The hunger has kicked in, big time. I am constantly hungry and the cravings are ridiculous. Another reason I need to exercise! I thought I was finally getting some energy back, but I have really been dragging lately. I was having terrible headaches for a while. Now that I got the okay to drink caffeine, they are much less frequent. I have only puked once and it was due to a massive headache. I find myself having to take deep breaths once or twice a day. I consider myself lucky to not have had it too rough this far. However, I find myself even luckier to be experiencing any symptoms at all.
This song sums up how I have been feeling lately. It used to make me sad, yet hopeful when I hear it. Now, it brings a smile to my face.
George Strait-I Saw God Today
"I just walked down the street to the coffee shop
had to take a break
I'd been by her side for eighteen hours straight
I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk
pushing up through the concrete
like it was planted right there for me to see
the flashin' lights, the honkin' horns
all seemed to fade away
in the shadow of that hospital at 5:08
I saw God today
I've been to church
I've read the book
I know He's here, but I don't look
near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I'd just slow down to stop and stare
opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today
I saw a couple walking by they were holding hands
Man, she had that glow
yeah I couldn't help but notice she was starting to show
I stood there for a minute takin' in the sky
lost in that sunset
a splash of amber melted in the shades of red
I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass
She's sleeping like a rock
My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks
She's got my nose, she's got her mama's eyes
My brand new baby girl
She's a miracle
I saw God today"
By the way, I'm not sure about this "glow" you ladies speak of. I think it is me looking pale, almost translucent, in fact, due to a horrid winter. A winter that does not want to leave and allow Spring to take over. We had snow again this week. I need some sun. ;)
Baby name post coming up. I need your help!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
How far along? 9 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: -3 lbs
Maternity clothes? None yet..started browsing today
Stretch marks? Not a single one on my body, lets keep it that way
Sleep: This was a rough week for sleep, I have been tossing and turning
Best moment this week: The great OB appointment
Movement: Baby is moving, but its too early to feel
Food cravings: I wanted Subway tuna, but can't have it. I told Tom that is the first meal I want post-delivery.
Gender: Still betting on girl
Labor Signs: No way
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Having energy
What I am looking forward to: Continuing to grow
Weekly Wisdom: A little caffeine will do more good than harm
Milestones: Looking pregnant, in my opinion
Saturday, April 4, 2009
I got to my OB appointment a bit early to fill out the necessary paperwork. Then, I was taken back and had to give a urine sample. I got undressed and met with a midwife first. She was shocked I went through IVF so young. She was more shocked when I told her it took us 25 months to conceive. She did a full physical and answered all my questions. She asked if I am going to breastfeed. I told her yes and she said my breasts are perfect to do so. She said they were so perky and nice, she thought they were fake. Haha..This makes me very happy though, as breastfeeding is one of the things I am looking forward to most. She said drinking some caffeine would help with my horrible headaches. I haven't had any since the retrieval, so I have been itching for a Pepsi every once in a while. I mentioned I have been short of breath more often and she said asthma usually acts up with pregnancy. She said to take my inhaler right away if I feel I need to. I think that was everything. I was told to wait and Id be taken over to the ultrasound room.
The ultrasound was amazing, as usual. The baby is perfect and beautiful. I may be biased already. Peanuts heartbeat was super fast-173 beats per minute. I got to listen to the heartbeat longer and stare at our lovebug for quite some time. So, here baby is. He/she is upside down in all the pictures. The black blob on top is my always full bladder, even though I had peed about 30 minutes before. Sorry the pictures are so crappy. I am too lazy to scan them.
After that, I went for bloodwork and had 6 vials drawn. My arm enjoyed the break from bloodwork the past few weeks, so it didnt mind too much. We decided I should have the NT scan performed, since I have an Aunt with Downs Syndrome. I see it as an excuse to see the peanut again. Plus, Tom will be able to come. I need to schedule that for between 11 and 13 weeks. I go back at 13 weeks for my monthly OB check. Sadly, no ultrasounds after that until the big reveal in June.
I called Tom on the way home to give him the run down. I got home a few minutes later and grabbed the mail. Inside was a letter to Tommy from Cook County. I opened it and couldn't believe my eyes. Tom has a testing date for the Police Department!! This is HUGE, really HUGE! Remember, my Dad is a Cook County Sheriff. As long as he passes the written exam in May, he is basically "in" with the County. He will still have to do the physical, oral and polygraph tests, but we know he will pass with flying colors. We are so excited for this opportunity finally coming along. It looks like things are finally looking up in the Robertson home!
The last super great topic I need to cover is my friend Missy's wedding. She is getting married in September and asked me forever ago to stand up in it. I have been stressing about it ever since I got pregnant. I will be 31 weeks pregnant on the day of the wedding. Plus, I was afraid the dresses would be at least $200 plus the expensive alterations will be needed. I was considering telling her I couldn't be in it, but wanted to give it a chance first. Anyway, last night we went to Davids Bridal and had the best time! It took us 3 hours, but we were able to find her dream dress and a beautiful bridesmaid dress that is complimentary and only $115! They had me use a bump pillow to decide what size I needed to order. They are ordering me a 14 so they can adjust it accordingly as the wedding gets closer. I loved every second of wearing that pillow. I kept the dress on the entire time she was trying her dresses. But in my defense, I have wanted this bump for years and I liked pretending for a while! Now, I am no longer stressed about the money/dress issue and instead extremely excited to be the cute pregnant woman in a wedding. Ill be sure to pull the photographer to the side and get a free maternity shoot in. Just kidding..kinda. :)
Here I am in all my glory. Man, I look tired!
I wish every Friday was like yesterday. I just noticed our little baby on the side of our blog. It actually look like a baby now. Yay! 9 week belly shot and info coming tomorrow!
PS-Does anyone need Endometrin? I have some left over that expire in 2/10. I will no be using them before that and would love to donate them. Please let me know. I dont want to throw them away!