Monday, June 8, 2009

Godparents

I have a subject I am hoping to get opinions about..Godparents.

The main question here is-do we use family members or friends? I see pros and cons to each. I have always felt that friends were a great choice, since you are bringing that many more important people to the child's life. However, that doesn't always work out. I am the perfect example. My Godmother was my moms friend and after they had a falling out when I was little, I never heard from her again. Luckily, one of my aunts filled in as my fairy-Godmother. She would sent me packages in the mail for my birthday and Christmas. I truly didn't find out who it was until I was 18 years old!

The other option would be to choose a family member. The problem there is, who do we pick first? I have 1 sister, 2 brothers and 1 brother-in-law. Tom has 2 sisters. Someone is going to be disappointed if they are not chosen for our first child. We are dreading dealing with anything negative that may come from this. The bottom line is this is our child that we worked our butts off to bring into this world. We will choose who we want and do not need to hear anyones opinions on the matter.

Except yours, of course. =) So, who did you use? Do you have a story that would support family or friends? What do you think?

Thank you in advance. You have no idea how much I value your input!!

30 comments:

beth ewing said...

hmmm...neither my husband nor i have godparents and neither does our son...so take my opinion with that in mind. hehe! i think you should choose the two people that you feel at this point in time will be there for your child no matter what and will help you out in any way possible. i say leave out whether they are family or friends. and if people get their feelings hurt, then so be it. it's your child and your decision and hopefully your family and friends know that you guys HAD to make a decision and didn't intend to hurt anyone. just my thoughts.

cady said...

we asked one of joe's good friends and his wife to be our baby's godparents because they are our closest friends. we didn't want to ask family members because they're already going to be involved in the baby's life as aunts and uncles.

Angelwingsbaby said...

I would chose a friend in order to keep the peace in the family.Because like you said someone will get disapointed.And really how would you begin to choose since you love them all.The disapointment can happen with friends too but not as likely.((HUGS))

Angelwingsbaby said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joy said...

Hi, we chose one of each for our daughter (my sister and my husband's best friend) for exactly the reasons you mentioned. Her godfather is wonderful man and I'm excited to have him involved in her life. However I don't have a relationship with my godmother because after she and my mother were less in touch, she dropped out of my life too. I know my sister will always be in our lives.

The Patterson's said...

Wow! I just had this conversation with a friend of mine who has a 6 month old daughter. Jason and I have already discussed this and think we know who we'll ask. But, I'm sure that could change. I can see your point with friends and family...tough decision. Good luck!

Jen said...

For my twin sons, we chose my sister and her husband to serve as Godparents. Many people believe that the Godparent is going to be the one to take care of your child if something where to happen to the parents. That role is filled by a guardian, which is stated in your will, and has nothing to do with being a Godparent. The Godparent's true role is to be a spiritual leader, to make sure the child is brought up in the church and to teach the child about God if needed. This automatically ruled out some people in our families, such as my husband's siblings, who do not go to church and know nothing about the Bible. They would not take this role seriously, it would just be a title to them. But, if it is really going to hurt someone's feelings, it is a good idea to include that person or atleast that is what my pastor said. There is no rule that you can only have two people. I would suggest talking it over with your pastor. I too wondered about this (hurting feelings), but no one ever said anything about being upset-I think I over analyzed it. Good luck with your decision!

Karen said...

The best advice I can give to you is to choose godparents based on their values - their Christian values. Will they be able to teach your child about God? You and your husband are to be the first teachers about God and it would be great if your godparents could share in this as well. I don't have any children of my own but I have one godchild. He is my co-worker's son (we both work for the same Catholic Church). I believe I was chosen since I was a practicing Catholic and a woman of faith. I hope this helps you. The other thing is that you are not limited to just two godparents. I don't know if that makes it harder or easier in your decision making process.

☆ Loren ☆ said...

I agree with Jen's comment. I am a Godmother to my BFF's 2 year old son, and I know that in the event his parents were not able to care for him I would NOT be the one to take on that role. (He is a grandma's boy already haha). Yet, I am very happy with my title of being Godmother. At 2 years old, Jake already knows that one of our special things to do together is curl up in a chair and read his childrens bible. ... Pick who you feel will be the best at playing the role of godparent!

Katie said...

I do not have children of my own but I do have a beautiful God daughter who I blog about frequently. I am not related to her by blood, just know her parents really well, her dad was my high school volleyball coach and I was a high school helper and still volunteer in her mom's classroom. The God father is Kate's uncle. So we are a mixed set of God parents. I never was lucky enough to have God parents so I am really enjoying doing that for sweet little Kate. I have also seen several families whose children have more than one God mother and father, that is also an option. Hopefully this helps you out some!

Blessings,
Katie

Fullers1006 said...

Hmm.. My husband and I didn't pick godparents for our son. But if something were to happen to us our son would go to my parents and if they weren't around they would go to my brother and his wife. Not that my hubby doesn't have a sister and brother himself.. but I just feel like my brother and SIL morals are more inline in how I want my child raised God forbid something happen to us. Its never been discussed by any family besides me telling my brother and my parents. So I dont know its your choice do what is most comfortable for you both!

Dawn said...

Are godparents even a thing these days? I was made a godparent when my oldest nephew was born. I was about 18 then. I had no idea what the role was. I did Aunt duties but nothing extra. Which always confused me, was I suppose to?

We didn't do godparents but we do need to do a will and specify who would raise our daughter if something happened to both of us.

I feel godparents should be anyone you choose that you feel could step in if something would happen to you two. And may they never be called upon.

Kelly said...

My sons godparents are my sister-in-law and my hubby's best friend, so we used both. With my daughter, her godparents are my brother and his sister. With the next one, it will be my soon-to-be brother-in-law and we aren't sure on a godmother.
It should really be a friend/relative that you trust your child's life with and that you know would help bring up your child the best way they know how with good values.
We will have family that aren't godparents and I hope they don't feel left out, but family to me will be there forever and friends, if we want to or not, come and go.

G & H said...

My 2 cents is....

when choosing friends ( which is a GREAT idea I think) be extra extra cautious dont choose a 1 year friend but choose the friend whom you have known since you were 5 and you are 99.9% sure they will ALWAYS AND FOREVER be in your and your babies life!

When I got married I chose 1 friend and 3 family members to be in the wedding party ( and my hhusband chose all his brothers) because I didnt want to look back on my wedding and think " sad I'm not friends with any of those girls" so I Had my one best friend of 12 yrs plus a cousin sister and sister in law

Secondly with family I would just say choose who you want. My hubby has 3 brothers and 2 sisters so it wouldnt be fair to choose one and not the other...BUT his sister has 4 boys and basically each has a different uncle for a godfather so assuming you want more children the others that arent chosent o be godparents for this baby could be godparents for the others

G & H said...

My 2 cents is....

when choosing friends ( which is a GREAT idea I think) be extra extra cautious dont choose a 1 year friend but choose the friend whom you have known since you were 5 and you are 99.9% sure they will ALWAYS AND FOREVER be in your and your babies life!

When I got married I chose 1 friend and 3 family members to be in the wedding party ( and my hhusband chose all his brothers) because I didnt want to look back on my wedding and think " sad I'm not friends with any of those girls" so I Had my one best friend of 12 yrs plus a cousin sister and sister in law

Secondly with family I would just say choose who you want. My hubby has 3 brothers and 2 sisters so it wouldnt be fair to choose one and not the other...BUT his sister has 4 boys and basically each has a different uncle for a godfather so assuming you want more children the others that arent chosent o be godparents for this baby could be godparents for the others

Mary said...

For my first child we chose the people that stood up for us at our wedding. That was my sister and my husbands brother. for our second I chose my second sister and my husband chose my brother. I choose for my third my BEST friend...who has since moved away and we haven't heard from her in many years. We split it up I chose the GM he chose the gf....WHATEVER you choose is the right decision.

...and besides, they'll be more babies...right.

ha ha

Mary

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

I loved reading your blog today. It has been so much fun making new friends through the blog world. This is my fourth month to have a blog. I am amazed at all the unique and fun sites.
I am posting about our recent Disney trip and have a couple more posts about our visit with the "Mouse" ....
then I will have more than a few posts about a new "grandson" arriving in just a couple of weeks... a baby they have longed for so long....

Joy said...

I'd always choose family over friends. Friends can come ago but family is there for you always.

Hopefully you won't ever have any NEED for godparents. But I definitely understand why you're thinking about this. We haven't chosen anyone yet because there's so many factors to think about.

Lize said...

Hey! I read your blog, I can't remember how I found it but I did. I thought I'd finally make an appearance.
I also had godparents who were really good friends of my parents, until they had a big falling out (sidenote: never go into business with friends) and I never saw them again. Same as you, except no fairy godmother. That's really cool.
I've thought about who I would choose for godparents for my children when I have them and I think it really depends on what you believe godparents are there for. My friends are not religious whereas my boyfriend and I are and so are his family. So for us the godparents are there to support the child spiritually. I don't feel that our friends would be able to perform this role, whereas I think that his brothers and sisters would be able to. Long answer...but I would choose family for that reason, although if my friends had the same faith that we do, we might also choose them.
Gosh this is a confusing answer. Basically, my advice is: think about what being a godparent means to you.

kim_brough said...

I would pick whoever most matches your spiritual views on things. Like somebody else mentioned, there is nothing legal about Godparents but I do think it's important for a G-parent to be a religious influence on the child. If they match up to you religion wise, then have a big cookout out with them all and pull some names out a hat.

Or choose friends.

OR me. Ha ha ha.

Kalle said...

We went with a combo - one of best friends as Godmother and one of my brothers as Godfather.

Tracy said...

I would pick a two family members. I have several cousins that decided to pick friends and 18 yrs later they rarely if ever see them. The people that picked family members still have god parents that are involved with their god child. Also the family members that weren't picked got over it pretty quickly.

One tip that they used was to look at what was practical (especially since they wouldn't want say they loved one family member more). For example, they looked at how far away the person lived (so they could feel like they were included more on special days like birthdays, graduations, and so on). They also looked at who already had god children. That may help you elminate some of your family and make your explanations easier.

Brittney said...

I don't have Godparents; my husband does. I wasn't raised Catholic; my husband was. He doesn't care about giving our children Godparents, except for the fact that it would make his parents happy. Me? I LOVE the idea. But I definitely would choose friends because I think a lot of times friends are a lot more family than family is. Though I do adore my family:) So that's my two-sense. We probably will have 'em in some form or another. (And also my hubby's Godparents have no significance in his life other than being the ones who were most generous with our wedding gift! Much appreciated...but still, LOL)

Sugar and Ice said...

I don't personally have godparents. My husband, however, does, and those were his aunt and uncle. His brother had a different aunt and uncle as his godparents.

I suppose who you choose should depend on what kind of role you think godparents should have in a child's life. If you think they are to be responsible for watching over your child's spiritual well being, then I guess you should choose whoever you believe would do the best job at that. If you believe the godparents should be the people that will take your children if you and your husband were ever to pass, then of course there could be a very different set of people involved then. I think many people just pick godparents for show...no real meaning behind it...just giving people a title with no real duty behind it. Personally, since I had no godparents, I wasn't very keen on having godparents just for the sake of having them. Both of our brothers are pastors, so we already have people surrounding our children who will be on the lookout for our girls' spiritual well being...there was no reason to formalize that. So, in the end, we chose my brother and his wife as our girls' godparents, because they will be the people that take our kids if something were to ever happen to both of us. Of course, just stating that we want them in that roll doesn't make it legal, we still have to make out a will and name them, but for us, that is how we chose.

Jess said...

My husband doesn't have sisters and neither do I, so I chose my bff (Jaime) that I have been friends with since I was 17 (I'm 26 now). I have two other very good friends who I love just as much as the Jaime but my other two friends are not religious at all so they never got jealous. We also lucked out with the God Father, my husband's best friend and brother are not religious and don't really believe in God and we would never make them God Parents for that reason. I have two brothers and I always thought I would do the older one first but while I was pregnant my little brother was in a horrible accident and he almost lost his life. Before he went into surgery, he asked me if he was to live if I would make him the baby's God Father. He lived-thank God but we lost the baby. The next time I was pregnant, he reminded me of our deal, lol!

Like many of your bloggers said, I would pick someone who is religious, shares the same beliefs as you and your husband and would be able to teach your child about God since that is really the role of God Parents-these days God Parents are not the guardian. It is a great way to bring a family member in your child's life in a way that makes them family but there is always the chance of a falling out but that can also happen with family. My God Parents were my parent's friends and I love them! The couple were married and they now have 6 kids who are like my own brothers and sisters.

I know you two will make the right decision and in the end it will alll work out!

Momma and Her Doodle said...

I do believe in family because friends can come and go but family is forever. Nicholas his Godparents are family members and they were there through every up and down during our 5 years of ttc.

Everyone is different, you are a Godmother think about what that means to you. Would you want to give that honor to a family member or a friend? Which ever you choose that is the right answer for your baby.

Stacy

Meant to be a mom said...

I just read your comment on my blog. I'm so glad you got some shorts. I felt sort of older mom putting them on in the store because they were really long but hey thats what we are going to be moms so why the heck not right?
I bet you look adorable in them. I'm glad you found some for you.

Meant to be a mom said...

On the subject of godparents. My brother and his wife chose my husband and I because we went to church regularly and they felt it would be the best choice for there daughter. My parents however just started with the oldest of there brothers and sisters and with each kid they gave us different godparents. from different sides of the family. My aunt still sends my brother an angel every Christmas because she is his godmother, not mine but I always thought that was sweet.

popnbottles said...

I posted a really helpful (and funny) short video about Choosing God parents on my blog!

http://popnbottles.wordpress.com/2009/06/10/how-to-choose-god-parents/

It pretty much settled it for me.

amanda said...

i am trying to get caught up. i love looking at all your pictures!!

now. for godparents. do you 'need' them? we don't have any for our children. and i guess we didn't see the need. for us, we did have godparents, but that didn't mean anything other than christmas gifts. it's just a title they were given. we each only have sisters as well, so they kiddos have three aunties who spoil them. i say if you feel the baby needs to have godparents pray and pray some more about it. we have to get a will set up for our kiddos and actually will choose shaun's single sister to have our kids. based on her relationship with the lord. because that is the most important thing i want my kiddos to have in their lives.