Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Moving On

I have been asked how I feel about there only being one peanut in my belly. I could simply answer, "Fine"...but that doesn't sound like me. Here is the long and short of it..

I am absolutely positive I felt two babies implant the day after transfer. While awaiting test results, we used the term babies. When my first hcg came back pretty high, I figured it was because there were two children releasing the hormone. Then, when I had the problem with my rising numbers, I knew we had lost one. I went into my ultrasound last week, expecting to see one baby. Trust me, I was relieved there was anything in there after the scare of slow rising numbers. As far as that lost peanut, I am sad it wont be joining our family. I try to remember it was gone before it had a heartbeat, so it wasn't really "alive." Its a sticky situation. I view our frozen embryos as our children, so wasn't this embryo placed inside me our child too?
Bottom line, I am overjoyed for our one baby. He/she is truly a fighter. We will never forget our second embryo, but will continue to feel blessed for getting one.

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Pregnancy has been pretty hard on me so far. These are not complaints, but I do want to document my feelings today, 6w3d.
~My boobs are still super sore.
~My butt hurts more than ever before.
~I have had a headache mid-day for the past 4.
~Apparently, my immune system is weakened. I never get sick, and somehow am fighting my second cold in 3 weeks.
~I am exhausted. This is the hardest part.

It goes without saying, these are all welcome feelings. I have yet to get nauseous, and will consider myself lucky until that day comes. I believe this is the baby's way of saying, "I'm here, Mama!"

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I keep thinking about what will need to be done for us to get pregnant after this baby. Will it happen naturally? Will we have to do IVF again? What insurance will we have? I am having such a hard time believing I am currently pregnant. I guess that's why I spend most of my time figuring out how Ill get pregnant next time. What a weirdo...

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We go in Friday for our second ultrasound. I'm not sure if they will release me to OB following that, or if I will have one more appt. with the fertility center. We are both really excited to see the peanut again. Less than 3 days!

16 comments:

Thomas said...

The hcg levels changing as they did is not uncommon, even with a singleton pregnancy. I can understand that it must be sad in some ways not to be expecting twins--grateful for one, and missing the other. I'm glad you continue to "feel pregnant"! :)

Angelwingsbaby said...

I am so glad that things are progressing well for you.Hopefully in a little while I will be right there with you exhausted.((HUGS))

Kahla said...

When we lost Chase's twin it was bittersweet. We were so sad to lose a child, but so thankful to still have him. Sounds like things are going well and wishing you lots of luck on Friday, can't wait to read all about it!

I Believe in Miracles said...

I'm totally with you on the getting pregnant again thinking - I've been debating whether to go back to work or not because my insurance is better if we have to do IVF again...
Yeah for feeling pregnant!
~~HUGS~~

Mimi said...

I am so happy for you but so sorry for the symptoms. I hope to be joining you soon! :)

Kami

amanda said...

glad you're feeling okay with the one baby. and i firmly believe that 'baby' was a 'baby'. life begins at conception, no matter how conception happens in my book. i think it's good to never forget!!

April said...

I had a hard time believing I was pregnant just like you...I think since it took so long to get pregnant I was little paranoid...I kept feeling the need to see him, so the ultrasounds really helped with the reassurance. How excititing...another ultrasound!

Gill said...

I am SO pleased your peanut is making itself at home :) Comgrats :) As for all the yuk you go through whilst being pregnant you have my sympathies but as i look at my 9, 12 and 13 y/o's I know it was all totally worth it. Even the afternoon naps i had to take!!

Stephanie said...

I am just so happy for you even if it's only one for now. Know that you are in my prayers right now!!! Excited for you to see your precious baby again on Friday. I always looked forward to ultrasounds because I got to see the pics...so exciting!

The Patterson's said...

Enjoy this time and so excited for your u/s on Friday!

Christa @ Quintooples said...

I lost Reagan's twin, which was very hard on me. :(

That said....at 6 weeks I was told I was having twins, and at 7 weeks I was told that there were triplets.

I don't want to get your hopes up or anything, but I would wait for the heartbeat check before you count your chicke....errr, babies. :)

They are *probably* right, but it's not unusual to miss one on the first ultrasound.

OHHHHH, the progesterone. It's a terrible hormone. I know, I know....we LOVE the symptoms, because it's the fulfillment of our dreams....but the progesterone. I have never been a fan of the progesterone. LOL. (((hugs))) Can't wait for more updates!

♥Tabitha said...

I'm so happy for you and your healthy little peanut that is snuggling in for many months! And I just wanted you to know that it seems to be the norm to already start thinking about the next pregnancy right away, us infertiles are sort of screwed up in a way! LOL! I haven't even started IVF yet (not until JUNE) and I'm already wondering if I'll have to do this again or not! You guys are in my prayers! (((HUGS)))

kim_brough said...

Try as much as you can to enjoy this pregnancy.... tomorrow (aka the next pregnancy) has enough worries of its own.

Tiffany said...

Glad things are going well!

twondra said...

Awww, sweetie, I know I haven't been there, but I can imagine how hard that is for you.

I've always felt in my heart that the minute there is fertilization, there is a life. Which is why losing the 4 "babies" during my IVF affecting me so much. Some people don't agree with that, but it's something I believe in and I figure I can believe what I want and grieve what I want.

I'm so sorry....I can't imagine what you're going through. (((HUGS)))

M&M Pittman said...

Just wanted to say congratulations (I have been following you through a friend's blog) and that with regards to your other embryo, whether or not he/she had a heartbeat, that baby was still "alive" just as much as the one you carry now b/c life begins at conception and when conception occurs an eternal soul is created and that child is now in heaven. Enjoy your pregnancy - it is a magical time!