Monday, February 2, 2009

Difficult Weekend

This was not a good weekend to be infertile.

As I mentioned before, I attended a baby shower on Friday. Originally, guys were going, so I knew I would be fine with Tom there. Friday afternoon, Jeralyn informs me that guys are no longer attending, but Tom could still come if I wanted. I decided to be brave and let him do homework while I went to "infertile hell." I tried to avoid eye contact with the two pregnant bellies. Kinda hard when there were only like 10 people there! Luckily, my sister brought Delaney and Tyler, so I had someone to play with while everyone was talking about their pregnancies and how easily they get knocked up.

Saturday had one great point, that massage. Oh, it was glorious. I wish I could do that weekly. Saturday night we ran to the mall to stop in a few stores. Uhm, hello Pregnant-ville. Population=Everyone but me. I anxiously await the day that I can smile at those beautiful bellies and stop being so envious. We later get home and I go through our mail. I find an unexpected doctor bill for $334. I walked upstairs to show Tom and immediatley started crying. I dont understand why some people simply make love and get pregnant for free, while we pay thousands of dollars we dont have for a chance at parenthood. It is so unfair. I know the 'Why Me' mentality wont get me anywhere. Some days are just plain difficult. My amazing hubby talked me through it and said we cant put a price on our children. He was so sweet and supportive. I needed that.

I decided to babysit for the Superbowl since I knew Tom wanted to go by his dads. Upon arrival, I find out that they are expecting a baby in August. Way to let it down gently. I was there late and had to give myself my injection for the first time ever. It was nerve-wracking, but I made it through. I like Tom to give them to me because I feel like it give him more of a role in this process.

Today is a great day, thus far. I went in at 7am to get bloodwork and an ultrasound. The nurse called and said everything came back perfect. Tonight I will start 225 IU of Follistim and lower my dosage of Lupron to 10 units. Two shots? I can take it! I finally feel like we are getting somewhere. I will go in Friday morning for my first follicle check.

Tom and I have been staying with my parents while we try to sell our home. It is a long and complicated story that frustrates me almost as much as infertility. We have a home to rent starting in June, so we only have to make it through 4 more months! Anyway, someone called about buying our house and Tom is going to drive down and show it to him on Friday. We need to rid ourselves of that house and get pregnant so we can move on with our lives!

I hope the rest of the week turns out like today. :)

14 comments:

FireWife425 said...

I remember those days of EVERYONE being pregnant but me; the dreaded baby showers, going to the hospital to congrat friends who just delv, etc... It was awful but trust me when it finally happens for you, you forget about all that you went through (well for the most part ;-) as you can I tell I still remember some of the feelings) Then the moment(s) are all yours & they are great!! Good luck & keep smiling.
~NikkiF

Gill said...

Oh sweetheart, my heart breaks for you reading this. I am totally one of the lucky ones, i appreciate it even more since i found out recently the medical proffessionals cannot understand how i ever got pregnant in the first place. That was a shock to hear i have to say. I often look at my children and wonder, if i knew then what i know now would i have them blessing my life?
I really, well and trully feel for you and am praying like crazy that you are soon waddling around with a great big grin and a beautiful bump.

Melody said...

Just stumbled upon your blog... I read it periodically. Listen, I COMPLETELY understand the Envying pregnant belly syndrome. I remember being mad at my friends for being pregnant b/c we tried so hard. It doesn't seem fair! We finally had our daughter and now, I'm back wondering... will it be hard to conceive again? I teach 8th grade and last week one of my previously pg students brought her 2 week old baby to school! It frustrates me to NO end that these BABIES are having babies and NO means to take care of them! Please keep your chin up! I remember right before I found out I was pregnant someone said that to me and I almost went AWOL on her! I was so mad! But, the infertile world seems to be a bit more sympathetic and I am praying for your peanut!

Ashley said...

Oh honey...I'm sorry you had a bad weekend. I know how you feel. SOme days are just so much easier than others! I can't wait to hear how your follicles look:) I hope you have a WONDERFUL week!!

Ashley said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dan and Gretchen said...

It won't be long and the showers will be for YOU :) I can say that I haven't forgotten all of those awful feelings, but I wouldn't trade the compassion I took from all of it, for anything.
Hang in there, and you won't believe how God uses this situation to grow you.
You are in my thoughts...and now you're in the midst of the exciting part...stay POSITIVE!!!

Mimi said...

Honey, in a few weeks you will have a huge opportunity to become a mommy. I am so excited for you. Pretty soon, you will be the one having the baby shower!!! I am so excited this has started. Yay!!! Good luck honey!

Kami

Tiffany said...

Ugh, the dreaded baby shower. I can't do 'em, you are stronger than me hun. Tell me about the bills for a baby, who ever thought we would go into debt to get pregnant and I hear the baby it self costs a pretty penny too. Ah, it WILL all be worth it for both of us someday. Way to go on the shots, sounds like you are moving right along. What was your antral follie count? Did I miss it?

amanda said...

praying for the peace only god can give. he has reasons for everything and i can't wait for you to see what his reasons are. our ways are not his ways...and his ways are way better than ours!! keep on keepin on my friend.

Christa @ Quintooples said...

Even when you have 5 (gasp!) kids like I do, the sting of someone saying, "I get pregnant just THINKING about sex!" never really goes away.

Infertility leaves a GOOD mark on you forever. It makes you appreciate the gift of children that much more.

Praying for this round! I am excited to see your BFP post!!!

twondra said...

I'm soooo sorry you had a rough weekend. I wish I could give you a hug

Sarie Lou Who said...

soon, so soon you will be having your own shower. just stay positive and you'll have a whole mess of peanuts to love on!

Bri said...

I found your blog on MckMama's site and I just wanted to say hi. We struggled with infertility for almost two years before we got pregnant and I just wanted you to know that I understand so much feeling envious of pregnant bellies and hating baby showers. I have to say that there was at least one that I just couldn't attend because it was too hard. I am so aware of that now and try to be so conscious of others feelings. I have friends that are still struggling with IF and while I am overjoyed that we are expecting, I feel so guilty that there are so many wonderful people still struggling. I just wanted to say that I truly hope and pray that you find your path to parenthood and that your battle will be over soon. If you don't mind, I would love to follow your story and see the happy ending that I know you will find one way or another.

Natalie said...

Found you through MckMama's side. I know how you feel - at least on the being jelous. We are desperately wanting a baby, but I'm taking medications that would be dangerous for the baby. We don't know when we can finally try to have a baby. I have such a deep longing for a child that I sometimes can't stand looking at babies or pregnant women.

I pray that God will grant you peace of mind on this.