Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Horrible Mood

I am on CD 8 and I still haven't completely gotten over the last negative. What is wrong with me? Usually I am able to get over it and move onto the next month with fresh hope. That is not the case this time. I am so sad. I hurt from the tips of my fingers to the ends of my painted toes and everywhere in between.

I cant believe there isn't a baby on our Christmas card this year. This isn't my life. I am in a bad dream and will wake up soon, right?

Wrong. The reality is I will never been a "normal" woman. I will never obtain a regular pregnancy. I will never be able to surprise Tom with big news...

Even reading those words, it doesnt seem right.

"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body."
Elizabeth Stone


Happily Ever After said...

I was just thinking about that this afternoon. I feel so down about not being able to get pregnant on my own. I wonder if it has something to do with the holidays. You would think the holidays would cheer us up but I just sat crying by my beautiful tree this afternoon. I have mixed emotions about this IUI. I'm excited but I'm like, did it really come to this? I really can't get pregnant on my own!

courtney said...

I get what you mean about the Christmas card. Every year I think, this will be the year.
Right now, I'll settle for 'knocked up '09' on my Christmas card if it would make it come true!
Don't give up... it'll happen.

Sarah said...

I wish I had words to make you feel better, but I have been there & I know that it is so very painful at times.

"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body."Elizabeth Stone

These words... so true.. no matter how this child comes to you. The operative word here is "decision." When you choose to have a child... it is HUGE! I am so proud of you and the walk you are on. It is not easy, I know. The child you will be rewarded with will be so blessed in the end, because you will have made such a "momentous" decision" to follow after them!

Keep the hope... It is SO worth it.

Praying for you and your husband.


Nikki Rose said...

I found your blog awhile back..and I can't imagine what you are going through but know that I keep you and your husband in my prayers and know that in HIS time-it will happen!

Stacey said...

I wish we had the answers and could tell you exactly what to do to make your dreams come true. But in reality, we don't have much control over it. And as hard as this is, you shouldn't worry about what you can not control. I know that is easier said than done. But I've found it made it easier for me to make a list of what I could control and what I could not control and then just focus on the controllable things and completely throw out everything I could not control. All of that other stuff is up to Him. And like courtney said, Don't give up! Keep your head up and keep smiling... IT.WILL.HAPPEN.

Ashley said...

I know how you feel girl! Don't give up...we will get through this!! I am praying for you...maybe fourth time is a charm for both of us!!

RDgirl said...

I am so in the same place this Christmas. Every negative test result takes a piece of your heart, your strength and your hope. It’s normal to feel this way after struggling with infertility.

But know this, one way or another you will be a mother. Either way the 'news' comes will be wonderful. Don't believe the lies, their whole purpose is to discourage and deceive you. You don't decide to have a child; you have a plan created by your heavenly Father for how you will become a mother. A plan He knew before you were even born. And His plan will be better than anything YOU could ever dream of. And while you don’t know the outcome yet, He does and He is working it out to completion. Until then, hang in there and know we are praying for you and you are not alone.

Emily said...

When you get to tell Tom you're pregnant, it is going to be so much more exciting and meaningful than if it had just "accidentally" happened because of all you two have gone through. That is going to be the most special moment because it is something you have both been praying for for so long. That doesn't make it makes it even more right than you ever imagined!